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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2929
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I was introduced to this girl (she's a religious girl, quite

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I was introduced to this girl (she's a religious girl, quite reserved) by a friend. We also work together.
We got on well for weeks. She even accidental said 'when we get married' in a conversation.
I felt she liked me and I liked her as well.One day I approached her at work, she got shocked, she said I didn't need to come over, blah blah blah. I was soo annoyed so I ignored her. But I ignored her too much that I couldn't connect back to her.She told my friend who introduced us, that I was ignoring her and that she was upset (not happy).So I dropped her a message apologising to her.After the apology, whenever I saw her at work, she would avoid me. So I kept my distant from her for a while.After a couple weeks going by I messaged her again, conversation was flowing but then I lightly flirted with her but she did not flirt back straight way. I think she was shocked (I wanted to make it clear that I liked her - I think it was a mistake)The conversion started getting harder (Hot and cold). I would always be the one to initiating the contact via messenger and the conversion was quite dry, tough and one sided. I felt I had to put a lot of effort to carry the conversion.Couple days later I saw her walking during lunch. So I caught up to her, She started acting really weird (it felt like she wanted to get away or something, its was awkward).I thought okay, she must still be hurt by me, so I thought I'll ignore that and carry on messaging her. Again same situation as early on, dry, tough and one sided conversation.In one conversation I asked her general question, she never replied so I didn't text back. After 3 to 4 days she returns the text apologising for the delay response and making some excuse. This time she tried to carry the conversation.Again for days we carried on the talking via messenger but still I was the initiator.After few weeks passed, I thought I surprise her and get her some treats that she mentioned she liked, so planted them on her desk. When she saw them at her desk she was surprised. She messaged me saying that I shouldn't have, I messaged her back saying that I saw these and they reminded me of you, so I brought them, She was like AWW ... and then I cut the conversation short.After a couple weeks without me contacting her, she contacts me saying that she'd enjoyed the treats and that 'some guy at work has the same laugh as me and always think its you...'So I flirted back and just simply asked her out. She replied back after the weekend saying that she was 'busy' and she 'let me know'.I thought that basically meant NO so I left it at that and didn't bother returning a response.My colleague at work setups a group meal, so he sends out and an email to people he knows and on that email, were both on it. So in that email she basically refer to me directly in a statement (using my name and asking me a question directly) and then she started a separate conversion on messenger. In this conversion I kept it dry because I was a bit annoyed.The next day I contact her, feeling bad because of the way I responded. The conversion was flowing. Then couple of days later she initiate the conversion and in that I basically asked her out again, she replies back saying that she 'let me know' with a smiley grin face. (I don't know what she's doing, is she flirt or just not sure? or trying to keep her option open)So again normal routine I initiate the contact for couple weeks, but this time conversion are better and flowing.I then ask her out again and same 'Let you know' with smiley grin face icon.So I stop contacting her, after 5 weeks later she contacts me on messenger with a message that didn't make sense. So I kindly carried the conversation.So basically what I want to know is WHAT does she want. I'm so confused about it. Is she stringy me along? Playing hard to get?
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.
There seems to be a difficult dynamic between the two of you there is this simple connection yet when one of you doesn't respond or behave in the way in which the other desires there is a pullback, ignoring and distance. And one of you decides to reach out again and the dynamic starts all over. You have asked her out over and over again and she responds with an I'll let you know but never comes back to solidify a plan for a date then you get upset and ignore her. at this stage I would think that it is more about a simple friendship than anything deeper. I would not play this back and forth, distance, ignoring game. I would just simply let yourself know in your mind that this is not something more at this stage and just decide to be a casual friend. The more you reach out, the more you ignore, the more the dynamic remains alive. I don't think she is playing a game with you on purpose I'm just not sure that she's interested and does not know how to handle it when you reach out and ask her out and then may not know how to handle it when you ignore and distance so she distances herself. so at this stage pull back not in a bad way and just go back to being good casual friends.
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2929
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Posted by JustAnswer at customer's request) Hello. I would like to request the following Expert Service(s) from you: Live Phone Call. Let me know if you need more information, or send me the service offer(s) so we can proceed.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

I am not able to provide a phone call at this time, but am happy to continue with you here.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Thank you,I don't disagree at all with what you've said. The thing is, I don't purposely pull back because I want her to chase me or hurt her. I pull back because I don't think she's interested and I don't want to continue. So I stop contacting because I feel I'm wasting my time as well as hers. But it's awkward at work because when I see her now (especially that she now knows that I like her) She gives me mix signals, like sometimes she won't look at me, but then she then looking at the side of her eyes, sometimes she's staring at me. Sometime she talks loud to get my attention. But neither of us openly communicate (verbally) at work.How can I get to her to give me a straight answer, basically a yes or no without looking needy or desperate.And you are right I don't think she's playing games I think she just being defence so doesn't get taken advantage, which I will never do.But its been around 7 months since I've reconnect with her after apologising to her.What I don't get is why she texts me back after couple of weeks when she's not interested.
I would have thought that If your not interested in someone you wouldn't bother texting them.p.s sorry I'm new to justanswer, i didn't realize you could continue, sorry for the inconvenience.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

She likes when you give her the attention but it may not mean she wants something more which makes it very hard for you. Since yuo work with her I would be friendly and cordial and nothing more since she has been unable to accept your lovely offers. I don't think she can or will give you a straight answer if she hasn't already...so go with happy and friendly at work.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Hi,I need some more advice on this. Should I continue on this conversation or should I create a new one?Thank you

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