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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3493
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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Following our previous chat I have had no contact with my

Customer Question

Hi JenFollowing our previous chat I have had no contact with my ex.but today I missed sveral calls from her, due to a friend of mine sending her an abusive message.. I hadn't asked the friend in question to do this at all and was horrified she had.. my ex's mum rang me and had huge go threatening me with legal proceeding for slander etcand my ex then text me saying please keep my promise of looking after her horses (a promise I made a long time ago if anything happened to her) and I cant get hold of her nor can her best friend or mum nor is she at homeWhat do I do???
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Why would your friend take it upon themselves to send a text to her? I hope you address it with her and ask that she not interfere with your personal life.

She may just be taking time on her own and not responding to anyone because she needs a break from it all. Try and reach out again and if you can't get in touch and her mum is worried then calling the police for help may be needed...if you are worried for her health and safety.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I indeed addressed with the frind very much so...and will do so soon if I don't hear anything or someone does
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you for the advice...
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Does she have a history of going off on her own and not responding to people? Are you worried because she told you to care for her horses if something happened to her and now you haven't heard from her? Try and reach back out to her mom.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

Do you feel she has been distraught since she broke up with you? Trying to get a sense of what you feel is going on for her. I know she had issues with your business client and ended things on her choice. I imagine you have sent her a text or voicemail letting her know you care and are there for her if she needs you?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am very worried about the fact that she said that and the fact the text was in past tense "you know how much they meant to me" as far as I am aware she doesn't have a history of this and yes I have tried to ring and left voice mail just saying I care and love her and please just let us know she is okay even its just a blank text.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I am hoping by now that someone in her family or you have heard from her. Again, as I stated yesterday if you are worried for her safety then calling to police may be in order.

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi jen,yes we have heard from her, she rang her mum and her text her best friend to say she was okay just needed some alone time to sort her head.. but wont say where she is.... and snet me a text saying how could you let me get to this stage and make me suffer so much, someone you say you love... which I didn't reply to as I rang her family to tell them she as okay and that already heard from her..she has tried to ring me since but I kept missing them.. but I don't think em talking to her is a good idea as I supposedly am the cuase for this?? what do you think? we know she is okay as such, and told her mum she will be at hospital appointment on Thursday what do you think??
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I am glad she is ok but her behavior suggests that she uses fear and manipulation to get what she wants. While she may not like one of your business clients that doesn't mean she can stamp her feet and decide with whom you work. She disappears and gets everyone frightened in the hope that you drop this client and then she will come back to you. I hope for her that she can get some help to deal with her feelings and choices she makes around her behavior. Again she is allowed to have any feeling she has, but her demands and reactions to things are what may be a bit inappropriate and certainly play on your fears and worries. Nothing wrong to take time on her own, but this was more like a disappearing act to scare you into behaving how she desires.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks JenShe has been so contradictory, when we split she said I don't want you to have a anything to do with me or my horses then she sent me that text saying please take care of them?? she has text me again in the night and I have ignored her for now? Do you think that's the best idea?... "why have you been telling everyone my personal things" (note: i.e. that she had an issue with the kid and I wouldn't budge) "I know you hate me, that's obvious by the things you have done!! But please answer me!! Why do I deserve it?!! I only wanted a relationship with you!! did I deserve the awful message that was sent to me?? do I deserve to be hung up on my by your mother (note: she has been busy telling people my mum is controlling and depressive and mum knows she has) " did I deserve to suffer because we weren't allowed a relationship? (note: she wanted us to live together etc which I agreed but we couldn't afford it simple as that and she would have mard every time I said that as she wanted it like in the next two weeks!) I loved you"
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

We can dissect each word but it comes down to the same stuff. she wants to be with you but only in the way she deems as best and connecting with others isn't like that...there is a give and take and an awareness of the others feelings, etc. Only you can decide if you want to respond to these messages and if you do, setting a boundary seems to be important. It seems that the relationship has run its course so keep that in mind as you move through this tough space.