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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5807
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I was going out with me gf for 6 months, she asked me 3

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Hi, I was going out with me gf for 6 months, she asked me 3 times to be in a serious relationship with her, I said I wasn't sure, but eventually I was sure I did and I do lover her. But last few days she said she has a new bf (within 2 days) and says she is in relationship now, that I didn't want. But I said I wanted to eventually but she took her side, so she split up with me and said she still likes me and we can be friends, the last text she sent on that day was "Nice one .. So im in relationship now and i like it im happy you dont understand that," we haven't spoken since, and she still has all our pictures up on Instagram . With me name "kristian :*" with a kiss. So what is she trying to say to me ? Thanks
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 11 months ago.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

While it's hard to say for sure what your ex's intentions are without being able to talk to her directly, it appears from what you described that either she is trying to let go of your relationship and is simply okay with leaving up pictures and information about your relationship on line, or she wants to see if you will continue to try to get her back and shows things like your photo with a kiss to encourage that behavior.

Since you have not spoken directly for 30 days and she is telling you verbally that she has a new relationship, then it is up to you to decide what you want to do. Hanging on to the relationship in hopes she will come back and even stay only hurts you. She may or may not be considering your feelings in all of this but why risk it? You deserve to be happy. So decide what works for you and makes you feel better. If you do decide to move on and look for another relationship, then it may be wise to end all ties to your ex so you can heal and won't have the past interfering in your new relationship.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

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Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Hi, i didnt say that we havent spoken for 30 days. I said that i am just about to start the 30 days no contact strategy, do you think that is a good idea?, its been 3 days since the break up, do you think i should send her a txt? As when we did break up, she did say that she feels bad, but still likes me, and she kept repeating to me that i dont want to be in serious relationship, but i kept telling her i do , but she wouldnt give me another chance and walked off. I know for a fact that she wants a serious relationship, and has got with this guy in 2 days time, so it must be a rebound relationship yes? And also when we were talking on that day, i said to her " How can you move on so quick, we have been together for 6 months..." and she replied " You said you didnt want a relationship, that we would just be friends, and now i am in a relationship, you hurt me too many times by saying not sure" and then when i tried calling her name to talk again, she just stared at the floor.So should i give her a txt appolagising OR should i just leave her?As if this new relationship she is in was serious, then she would of taken all of the photos down and my name, but she hasnt.
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 11 months ago.

Sorry about the misunderstanding. It sounds like she has made it clear that she wants to move on. But while she is saying that clearly, she could be trying to get you to "chase" her. That is not a game you want to play. It only shows someone that they can "leave" you to get your attention and to have you do something they want you to do in order to have a relationship.

While it is not clear if her new relationship is a rebound relationship, it seems that she is still wanting contact with you so that makes this new relationship questionable in how serious it really is.

How you handle the relationship depends on what you want. But staying with her at this point is only harming you. She has another relationship and has all the control over her relationship with you. You have few choices at this point. Ending the relationship totally without any contact will tell you a lot. If she tries to contact you again after you end all contact, then she is not over you. Or she wants you to play the game she set up. But if she doesn't contact you, you have the opportunity to move on and get into a better relationship. How you respond depends on what you want. If you want a relationship again, then let her know you want her to end the relationship she is in now and try again with you. But if not and she continues to stay in the other relationship but talks to you, then moving on is a better option for you.

Kate

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