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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3252
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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Me and my long distance boyfriend broke up a over a month

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Me and my long distance boyfriend broke up a over a month ago, he finished it with me as he felt I was quite insecure and we hardly saw each other. We decided to stay friends as we have known each other for years, we stayed in contact and there was still a sexual connection between us and we did admit we still loved each other and maybe we might see what happens in the future. In the first few weeks of our split I felt quite lonely and missed him very much but I didn't want to bug him all the time so I signed up to a site that you can make friends with or just chat too, I got chatting to a guy and he seemed nice and we were chatting and flirting over text for about a week. In that time I was still in contact with my Ex just seeing how we were both getting on with work etc...then my Ex was passing through with work and he wanted to meet up and after a weekend together we decided to take things slow again as we realised how much we still meant to each other, I actually stopped chatting to the other guy when I knew I was going to be seeing my Ex as it didn't feel right still speaking to him. My Ex has always wanted us to be honest with each other and I'm the same but it's bugging me if I should tell him I was chatting to this guy when we were split up or is it best to leave it alone? I'm just worried it might jeopodise our new fresh start and I don't want to just come out with it and he starts to question things?? Please help!
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 9 months ago.

There is not right or wrong answer here...the answer comes from what you believe will be most helpful for both of you to make a clean start with one another. If you decide to speak with him about it, then you might start off by saying how happy you are that you are together and let him know that you were not with anyone while you were apart...you did chat with a fellow but ended that as soon as you began connecting again. I know you worry that he might ask you later on and that could present a tough space and a mistrusting one....so if it feels right then maybe proceed in the way that feels most comfortable to you and with my above thoughts. What do you think?

Customer: replied 9 months ago.
Thank you for your quick response! It's so hard as he works away and we only talk once a day! He works all the time and I'm worried it will make him over think things and start to mistrust me as we only see each other when we can and our relationship has always been based on so much trust him working away and he knows that I've been unfaithful in the past to a previous Ex....I know I've done nothing wrong this time but do feel I need to be honest with him as I do think the world of him, I'm just so scared of losing him over something so silly! ��
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 9 months ago.

You have done nothing wrong. You were not together, and you were chatting with another and then stopped that when you decided to try again. See how it feels when you are together next..in person and you can go from there. This doesn't need to be bigger than it is and even if you decide not to mention it and he asks at some point you can simply say you chatted with someone briefly and stopped as soon as you both decided you were trying again. When people are broken up there can be no rule as to what you can and cannot do. This is not mistrust or infidelity.

Customer: replied 9 months ago.
I think I'll wait and see how things are next time we see each other. I think I feel bad as we said we would keep the gates open just incase we do get back together but he did say if I meet anyone in the meantime just let him know...but I didn't feel chatting to this guy meant anything to me to even be bothered to talk about to him! I'm just too honest for my own good sometimes and I want to share everything with my SO but I'll see how things go it's still early days but if he asks I'll never lie I'll just keep it brief. Thank you, ***** ***** made me feel so much better ��
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 9 months ago.

Great plan. See how it feels and then simply say you kept the gates open and chatted briefly with someone but you ended it. simple!

I am glad you are feeling better. Enjoy the new beginning.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 9 months ago.

I am here again if you need. Please take a moment to click the rating tab to rate my support. Thanks in advance.

Jen

TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3252
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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