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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3520
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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This might take a while but think u should know the whole

Customer Question

Hi
This might take a while but think u should know the whole story. I have recently split up with my gf. We were together for a year and are both 35. She is polish and and the only family she has here r some cuzins in lanchasire and her daughter. She was with her ex husband for for a long time. He was mentally abusive and it has caused her not to trust anymore. She works where I live and does long hours but lives about 30 min car drive. When we first got together I understood things needed to go slow and we did. Her daughter didn't want another man in the house as she misses her dad and I completely understand that and have never pushed it. We were getting on great and last summer we went to the seaside for the weekend and I told I loved her. She said she couldn't say that to me till she was ready but she really cared for me and had very strong feelings. Everything was going fine until a couple of months ago and she became really distant and withdrawn. Kept canceling dates and would only speak to me via text message. She said she has lots going on in her head and nothing makes her happy now. We were due to go away a few weeks ago and a week she said she wasn't strong enough to go. I'm ashamed to say it but we had a argument and split (was our first ever argument). A couple of days later I text her to ask if she really wanted to stay split up and she said no and that she still had strong feelings for me and maybe we could meet after I was back from holiday. I text her when I was back and asked if she fancied a coffee and she just ignored me. Then last Friday I asked her what she wanted and she said I can't be in any sort of relationship now and needs time for her and her daughter and that she is moving four hours away around Xmas. I would do anything have her back in my life and she said before she got ill it was the best year of her life. Do u think there might be a chance
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I am so sorry to hear of this and to hear of the pain. I know how much you desire to be with her and love her, and as you can see she does have a lot to work through and most likely needs to do that on her own. So hard for you to let go a bit and give that space but it is the only way as if she feels pushed...even if unintentional on your part, she will just become more and more distant. There is plenty of time before Christmas before the move, so it is early to tell whether that will happen. But for now, give her the space she is requesting and it is possible with the space and time to process it all, that she misses you, misses your love and consistency and desires to be back. So, yes there is a chance but most likely only if you give her the space to work through it on her own.

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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Thank you so much for replying it has helped. I am going to do no contact for a month and then just a little text to see how she is. It's her bday today do you I should her a happy birthday text
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

You are a loving gentleman. Yes, I would send her a text that says something like....I am giving you the space you have requested, but did not want to let your special day go by without wishing you a wonderful day.

then let things go as you say and see how it all plays out.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you. I did text her and she said thank u. I will now leave her alone for a moth and then just send a little text. You really have been so helpful
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 1 year ago.

I am so glad and glad she reached back out. Focus o you now and let her do the same and I hope it all goes how you desire. I am here again if you need me.