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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3132
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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My partner has seemingly finished with me.

Resolved Question:

My partner has seemingly finished with me.
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

Hi. Please tell me a bit more.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

I am here when you are ready.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

I am not able to provide a call but am happy to continue here. Please let me know.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

Let me know if you would like to continue in here with me.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
I am an attractive 63 year old lady with two properties. My partner of three years is a 43 year old Muslim man, who lives partly with me, and partly with his mother, sister, brother, sister-in-law, and his brothers three young children, who all share a house a mile away from mine. My partner has a volitile temper, and indeed has a police record for attacking his former Muslim wife (an arranged marriage) and for theft too. He has attacked me in the past, and taken a hammer to smash items up too. This week he was staying at his Mother's house. His sister suffers mental problems and is bi-polar, and her shouting was keeping him awake at night. He drives a bus three days a week, and needs sleep to complete a twelve hour shift. He banged on her bedroom door saying he was going to kill her. His mother came up the stairs wherupon he turned on his mother and engaged in a furious row with her. His mother was deeply upset to be shouted at so severely after all the support she has given him. Other family members had to restrain him. He has no sympathy at all for his sister's problems.
Next day he packed his cases and appeared at my house in an awful temper without telling me what was going on, and proceeded to bring all his belongings into my home without asking me first. He keeps nothing in my house you see. He never asked my permission or filled me in on his intentions. I was supposed to accept it without question. When I said I was ill and could not cope with all this just yet he left in a temper, saying 'Goodby'.
I had to phone hie sister-in -law to establish what had been going on.
I was very unhappy at the thought of him being in my home in such a nasty temper. He said he was not going back to his mother's house again, .. even more worrying for me ! However, I did not believe it.
I was upset to be treated like this, and indeed had not been feeling well that day. If he had filled me in on what had happened in his house, and asked my kindly if I could help him out, it would have been much more polite.
I have had many problems with him over the past three years. His violent temper being a particular problem. He has hit me in the past, and I am careful to avoid anything that may antagonise it. He has downloaded child pronography onto his computer , and looks at pornography too, depite being a 'devout' Muslim. He has used dating sites at times, and caused me much worry.
It seems to me that in this latest episode of trying to move into my house without asking me, he is simply using my property for his convenience, since he had a blazing row with his mother, rather than coming to live with me out of love for me as his partner. He was simply getting out of an unpleasant situation, and enjoying the comforts of my luxury house. He has not given me any money for months, and if he came to live here he would have to contribute something. However, I have not heard from him at all since he left on 30/08/2016, two days ago. After three years of caring for him. I have to say his libido was very poor, and he took little interest in love-making. His previous lady friend, siad exactly the same, and could not understand why he took no interest in the physical side of the relationship. She finished with him after three months. He also seems to be work shy, and has just had three months off work doing nothing. He now works three days a week as a bus driver. He is very good looking, but his nasty temper is truly awful . After three years it seems so truly awful to lose your partner, he helped me so much in the garden, and going for walks. We shared some nice quiet times, sometimes. I am appalled at the way he vented his temper so violently at his mother. What do you think?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

I am sorry to hear of this and so much of his behavior warrants calls to the authorities to protect yourself and others so keep that in mind when you feel your safety or that of others is in danger.

With all of this that has gone on and you ask what do I think? Are you asking whether to stay with this man? If this is the question then it sounds to me like you have done what you can for him and maybe now it is time to care for yourself. I would let him know how you care and want all good things for him and hope he can get some support for what he is dealing with. If he is unable to do that then you will have a decision to make as to whether you desire to continue with him....that can only be answered by you and what you desire to put up with. If you haven't heard from him then he may have decided for you but if you hear from him again, you will need to decide what you desire moving forward.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
I have not heard from him, and since he will not communicate, there is not much I can do. He with-holds himself emotionally and physically. Yes, maybe it is time I looked after myself. I have showed him much love and kindness always, and this is no way to end matters. I always remain on good terms with everyone I have known in the past, and this is so sad.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 6 months ago.

And you have a lot of love and care in your heart so it sounds like you know what needs to be done for yourself.

TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3132
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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