Hello, I'd like to help you with your questions.
From what you are describing, it sounds like you want more in your relationship- for you both as a couple to move forward. That is a very natural desire in a relationship. However, your boyfriend wants to keep things as they are right now and has expressed no desire to progress or even to establish a relationship with your son, which is vital to moving forward in any relationship with a child involved.
It seems your boyfriend is not willing to listen to what you want out of your relationship. He has expressed that he wants to keep things as they are, even with possibly more distance between you (saying he needs more space). Given that he is saying he doesn't want to move forward and wants to keep a distance, it seems clear he is not ready for a fully committed relationship. Additionally, he depends on you for transportation and is not willing to accommodate your son when you do visit. He could simply be inflexible or he is self centered, neither of which is helpful in keeping a relationship healthy.
Since your boyfriend seems like he won't listen and is not willing to move ahead, he is leaving you to decide if you want to let things stay as they are and agree to what he wants or move on and find another relationship that is more in line with what you want. While that is easy to say, it is difficult to make such a decision. You have invested a lot in your relationship and obviously have a desire to see it grow. But since your boyfriend does not, he is not giving you much choice if you want to have a growing, healthy relationship. He has made it clear he is not willing or able to be in a giving relationship, or maybe any relationship not on his terms, right now.
Backing off sounds like a good idea. Your boyfriend is unwilling to compromise on you driving to his home and spending time there. And he won't budge on any other aspects of your relationship so backing off definitely lets him know you are unhappy. Tell him that you do not agree with his ideas about the relationship and you are seeking more. His reaction will tell you a lot. If he is willing to change, then give it more time and see if he follows through. But if he won't compromise, then he is telling you that you have to accept his terms. It's up to you to decide if that is enough for you and your son.
I hope this has helped you,
May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!