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Hi. Welcome. Let me know how I can support you.
Sorry to hear about all this pain....it sounds to me like you are on different pages and have different needs within the relationship. I don't hear an outcome here that you desire....it seems to me like this could be the unraveling of the relationship.
Your styles are different and sometimes the love may be there but the fit isn't right for long-term.
I know you don't want to lose him so let him know you desire to work on things and will do your part to understand his needs and hope he can work with you on yours.
I would write him a letter with all the love in your heart that you have for him and tell him what you desire with him...he wants fun and ease and I imagine you do as well, so can you let him know that is how you would like things to be as well?
I don't hear him ending it in the email, but I do feel that if things don't change then he may be heading there....does that make sense?
Be the wonderful woman you have been while getting to know one another...we all have insecurities in relationships and that is normal so go easy on yourself too. Can you give him the space to be selfish as he says and not personalize it? If so, then make these changes and let him know you are doing that and show him with action, not just words.
I think he is putting the ball in your court right now but does feel that things need to change for him to feel okay and it comes down to whether you want to make those changes to satisfy him. Your needs are important too and clearly he is hard to figure out how to act...He is not committing one way or the other about being together or single so he may be waiting for you to decide while accepting all of whom he is without him making any changes. Up to you if you feel you can be in a relationship with a man like that.
You deserve to feel happy too and not just make changes to satisfy him....I know you know that and I know you don't want to lose him, so write the letter and then take it from there.
I will look at what you write. I don't think he knows where things stand and seems self absorbed and is leaving it all up to you...as he said he is lazy about things.
and you can always come to me....you can request me by writing at the start of your question "for Therapist Jen only" and it will come to me.
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My hunch is that in time you might figure out that he isn't the one for you. Time will tell.
Please take a moment to click the rating stars so that I may receive credit for my time with you...without the rating, I don't receive credit. You can come back to this thread or begin another one when the letter is done. I appreciate your understanding of that.
Thank you for that and the bonus. Very lovely and as I said I am here for you again. Be strong.
I think he is expressing his feelings which are a bit all over the place but let's take it one step at a time and write the letter and go from there. Guessing won't help you so let's stay the course for now.
That is beautiful and heartfelt...well done and I truly hope he responds in a way that works for you. I have nothing to add or take from the letter because it is beautiful.
just let things be now and don't push so heavily...pull back and give him some reigns.
Be well and I wish you the best with all of it.