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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3129
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I have recently broke up with me ex who told me that she

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Hi I have recently broke up with me ex who told me that she still loves me and she doesn't no how she will feel in the future, she broke up with me due to trust issues mainly my drinking (I have stopped in the mean time) I was contacting her to much for about a month and stupidly didn't respect her request for space, I just asked if it is definitely over forever and she said yes it's time I moved on, I really don't want to stop loving her is it completely hopeless, I just want to show her I'm so different to what I was in the future but it's like she doesn't want to give me the time of day any more, we met travelling and lived together for nearly a year, not alone but as a four then I came home with her so she could do her masters but we live quite far apart is it time for me to give up or should I persist if I love her?
Submitted: 5 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 months ago.

I am sorry to hear of your pain around this break up. I hear how you love her. she asked for space in the past and you weren't able to give it to her and so she has pulled away completely. Your best course of action right now may be to respect her now and give her that space. I know you want to show her you have changed and this is the way to do it...give her the space she needs and if she misses you and desires to reach back out let her do that. I would continue to stay sober and work on yourself so you can be all that you desire. I know you feel that if you give her that space that she is lost forever, but right now as things are the relationship is lost so giving her what she has asked for shows her you are listening and caring.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Yeah I just hope she understands it not because I want to anger or upset her I don't have as many people to talk to as she has a lot of friends at uni and most of mine are now in relationships themselves I know she needs space I've been silly to keep messaging her and I am stopping now for sure I just hope the fact she said I need to move doesn't me there is no hope for the future, regardless of my past actions attaining this relationship would have been hard long distance especially when she needs to concentrate so maybe that contributes to the problem, I just feel silly when even she has told me to move on and I still want her back but I can't help I truly love her and am totally focused on achieveing my own goals first and hopefully she will see I was being legit and that trust could be rebuilt eventually time will tell I suppose
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 months ago.

You are doing great. Nothing to feel silly about...you have love and that is a beautiful thing. so let's give it some time and see how it all goes.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
The main thing I wanted to sort of be answered is, because she has said move on does that mean in your experience it's completely over? See I haven't give her the chance to miss me that's my issue
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 months ago.

No way to know for sure but I think she means that yes. Does it mean that with some time and space she won't come back? IT is possible but we can't know for now but I do think we need to take her words and desires at face value and that is that the relationship is over.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Yeah I've realised this now but although I will move forward I won't give up my love is so strong, and hopefully this starts to be more meaningful to her rather than being a annoyance, she isn't the type who would cheat or have one night stands or anything of that nature so I trust her 100% which means I also respect her decision fully and have told her so, can't help feeling that there's something she isn't telling me because she didn't even discuss the problems to much as they happened and let them go easily and therefore as soon as we parted this happened, I don't no why she didn't want to work on it
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 months ago.

She may have been keeping things inside for a long time and then reached the point where she just wanted out and then you contacting her when she asked for space could have made her decision more firm.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Yeah I guess so, well I suppose she needs the space and time I haven't gave her, probably to late now but maybe she will realise I meant more to her if she does indeed miss me
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 months ago.

Yes so now you continue to work on yourself and let things be as they will.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
do you think that if down the line she does contact me I should just act uninterested or just keep it simple? Also it's her birthday next month I wanted to get her a card is this a bad idea?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 months ago.

I would not play any game and acting uninterested would not be accurate. I think sending her a birthday card is thoughtful and if she asks you not to do that again, you must respect that.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Yeah ok Well I'll leave it at that, thanks for your help I hope things do work out and if not I hope she finds someone that she deserves she really deserves it
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 months ago.

I hope things work out for you and you continue on your road to caring for yourself. I wish you well and am here again in the future if you need.

Please take a moment to click the rating stars to rate my support so that I receive credit for my time. Thanks so much.

Jen

TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3129
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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