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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3523
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I don't know if I'm still with my boyfriend

Resolved Question:

I don't know if I'm still with my boyfriend
Submitted: 12 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

As we talked about the other day, it may take some time to know. I don't think he knows right now and you may need to give it more time and just let things play out until you know. Go about your life and do your own thing and in time it will all be revealed but also as we discussed you might decide this isn't for you.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Thank you - I rather just ask him outright what is going on as its not fair he has just kept me hanging. Sorry for sending g through all again. We are due to go away next week for 3 days and I have suggested we meet before we go away but he wo t commit to anything just ignore that part of the message. I would like to clear the air before we go away sorry I know it sounds repetitive
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

No apologies to me at all. I enjoy supporting you!!!

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

I understand that you want to ask him outright but from what I understand about him, he will not give you that answer.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

I would go away and see how things feel and then ask him what he truly wants without asking you why you stay!

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Thank you what do you mean? Shall I not send the email yet? Thank you
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

I thought you sent the email...I would send it.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

Let me know your thoughts.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Morning Jen I haven't sent it as an going away with him next week and I don't want him to think I'm putting a dampener on things - the last I heard from him was last night saying what he had done and so far nothing this morning. Don't know if I should bother to message or just leave it but I don't want to play games
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

I would wait then and just go spend time together and see how it all feels.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
He's still being indifferent I sent him a text asking him to let me know if we can meet before we go away and nothing he just ignored the question don't know what else I can do apart from try and talk to him before we go away
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

I know how hard this is for you. As we discussed last week the more you question him, the more you push him the further away he will go. as best you can pull back, don't pepper him with questions and just let things be if you can't do that then you will need to decide whether this kind of relationship works for you but pushing him to give you answers before he's ready will not help you and what you want.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Thank you I just wonder if he has really ended it and this is his way of showing it? That's what is frustrating me because he is not even saying I haven't made a decision yet I just need some space - it's like he is just saying interpret wat you see and wat I see is he is not interested
Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Apologies just don't know whether I should go up to the pool this eve where he swims and try and speak to him
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

Sorry for the delay. I was with private clients. I think you should give him the space...I know that not knowing is hard but the more you push or show up places he may feel bothered and truly pull away. Let it all play out while you are away and go from there.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
I think he has decided alreAdy we have had arguments before and it's never gone on this long, and he did say on the last occasion if it happens again he would end it. I just prefer he tells me rather than keeping like it is. Sissy it is really difficult for me
Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Should I try and be affectionate whilst away or let him lead it
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

I know you desire to know all the answers right now....let things play out naturally as there is no way to plan how to be affectionate...if it feels right then be affectionate, if it feels that you desire him to reach out then do that, but the only way to really tell is when you are in it and spending time but in the meantime, I would pull back and just let things be.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

Please take a moment to offer a rating and I am here again in the future if you need. Let things be and focus on your for a bit. Be well.

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Thank you Iv gotten rather emotional as a lot going on in my life at the moment not just with him and Iv jut told him and said Iv missed him and I was trying hard to give him space so I hope reacts well Iv just been honest. Said u wanted to visit him at the pool but would t be a good ideaThank you for your support
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

I support you...be strong and let's see how things go over the next few days.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Jen i apologise to bother again. I have tried I tell him how the situation between us is affecting me but he is not dealing with it he is just ignoring what I am saying. He has agreed to meet on Saturday and not tomorrow. Should I perhaps raise it again and ask how he sees things progressing or whether he stills needs space or ask him outright if he has ended it with me - would really appreciate how to approach it please thank you
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

Let him take the lead...my gut says this is ending and I know how scared you are. Let him talk about what he wants and go from there.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
I have asked if we can talk about the situation with us and he says that he doesn't know what the situation is and yes I can send him the email. If he wanted to end it why not just tell me a d why after for me to go away with him next week any feed back would be appreciated thanks
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

I am not sure why he acts the way he does. he stated that he was lazy and he just may be lazy to end it as well and waiting for you to speak the words. you will see when you meet him there is no way to go through everything every possibility just let things be and get through the meeting with him and take it as it comes.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
Thank you I have sent hi. This message this evening I'm trying not to be unreasonable with it allHey how's your eve? How's your swim? Ok great Saturday would be good - can I join u at the pool and I can use the gym or if you prefer we can do something in the eve? Wat do u fancy doing? I'm going to get an early night feel exhausted. Ok will send you the email - suppose it's just to understand whether there is any hope for us or whether you just need more time �� it's weird how we use to be and how it us now with us but I respect how you feel and respect you so being patient xxx
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 12 months ago.

I have suggested all I can about waiting until you are together to go through it. These questions in your email to him will not be helpful. Let it play out.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Hi Jen
We went away - it was enjoyable. Some of the intimacy and affection returned. I have only briefly seen him since returning but it feels I'm only a small step forward with him. He's signing of his text messages with a couple of kisses now rather than none or one but the messages are not like before. I suppose the more I push the worse it will get and it's likely I will push him away for good but I you have any other tips on how I can try and rekindle what we had that would be helpful please. Thank you for all your help and support
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.
That all sounds great. I would not push it I would not ask for more I would not try to rekindle anything. let it happen naturally. just be.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Hi Jen just to let u know I asked hi. To meet up this Friday he says he is busy and he is going to see a girlfriend of his on Saturday and has not suggested when we should meet. I have put some options to him but I get the impression he isn't bothered anymore - in really hurting and don't know wat I can do thank you
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 11 months ago.

Please begin a new question and write for therapist Jen Only. I am not compensated for my time without that. Thanks so much.