Hello, I'd like to help you with your problem.
From your description, it sounds like you were doing a lot of the work in your relationship on your own. You mentioned he wanted to break up because you were ahead of him in your feelings about the relationship which says he doesn't want to put your feelings first before his own. You also attempted contact first on a few occasions and you have been the one to set the boundaries for your relationship.
It is another issue that he appears to be unwilling to be honest and open about other possible relationships he has had outside of your relationship. You mentioned that he has a friend who appears to be more intimate than is normal in a friendship. That is not okay if you truly are interested in the person you are with.
In order to have a relationship, both people need to be able to trust each other and to be open to hearing what the other person needs. For example, you said that you want more from the relationship. However, he breaks things off when you try to ask for more. That is a sign that he is not ready for a serious relationship.
He also may not be honest with you about his other relationships. You need trust as a foundation to any relationship to make it work. If he is hiding things from you already, that can be another sign he is not ready for a serious commitment.
There are many reasons people are not able to be in a serious relationship. One can be maturity. Someone can be the right age, but not be mature enough emotionally to handle caring about another person. Two, sometimes people are emotionally damaged from past issues or family problems that can cause them to act out in an unhealthy way in relationships. This can affect a person so they remain distant and unwilling to make a commitment. Three, it could be that his family and culture plays a part in your relationship. However, if that was the case, he could simply tell you that. And if he truly cared, he would do so or try to make it work.
What you can do is decide for yourself if you want to continue to try with this man. Do you feel he can commit to you and if so, what is stopping him now from doing so? If you feel he is not willing to commit, then anything you try with him is not going to work and you will continue to get hurt. You deserve better than that.
You also may want to consider taking a break from any contact. Try it for a few weeks. See what his reaction is to the break. Does he miss you? Contact you in any way- besides just to sleep with you? His reaction to not seeing you for a while will tell you a lot about how he feels about your relationship.
In the meanwhile, make an appointment to talk with a therapist to help you cope with the depression you are experiencing. You need time and someone to talk with to help you sort out what you are feeling and how the relationship problems are contributing to your depression. Some mild medication may help while you talk with the therapist. You need to focus on yourself right now and sort out what you need to feel happy. A relationship can be a consideration after you feel your best and are ready to approach this relationship or a new one.
I hope this has helped you,
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