I am a solicitor in Scotland. You have made a good attempt at drafting an Initial Writ insofar as I can see what you want to achieve. Unfortunately the draft is not framed properly, however, and will require extensive work to get it into a format that will allow the court to look at it. You can either see a solicitor locally or I can redraft this for you. This will come under premium services given the amount of work involved.
OK, I'll wait to hear from you.