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Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34885
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I have been divorse from my x for about roughly 18 years ago. We

Customer Question

I have been divorse from my x for about roughly 18 years ago.
We have ason who will be 21 years old .His DOB is:20/04/1992.
Towards the finlozing our divorce my x was ordered to pay amounth of £1000 a mounth to me and our son that i was taking care of.Our son whom was bourn by c-section was dignos with Autisum before our divorse was finoal!
The judge ordered my x to pay£1000.00 a mounth to me and our son but he would not and made few payments of £300.00 and before i could complian i became very very ill and my son had to go and live with my x and his wife who was his girlfriend at the time.
Any how after few yeras of going back and forth to the hospital the dr's decided that i shuld have a histerktemey.After that i ended up being incontent and had to wait for 7 mounths before i had th holl repearied in my blodder.This was about 8 years ago.
While waiting on day i recived a phone call from my x and his whife who was his girlfriend during our sepereation and divorce!
My x told me that our son has become very chlanging with his behavour and that his wife and my son's half sister who was 4 at the time could not take care of him.
As i was very ill and awaiting another oppreation my Mother and brother took care of my son.
To cut the long story short my son had to come and live with me and i had hardley any time to recover properley!
My son got exculded from secoundrey school which was not sutibal for his needs and was put on 3 diffrent strong medications.
although i inssted that he should go to 52 weeks redtiontal i was not lesstend to and my son wassend to day college for 3 and half a day a week !Of course not to my supporise he was exulded from that place too! He actully was hitting people and hospitolised them in both placess.
Any how one horibale day he ended up bittingme up so badley that the police hand carfed him and took him to a jouvenal home untill diffrent colleges started coming to see him and assesting him.
One collegeXXXXXfrom London took him for 52 weeks a year.
Mean while because of the bitting i had to have another oppreation and a mesh was put in my stomak(Hernia out because of badley bitten).
As i am not able to work becase i am disabled ,i do not have much money but some how have tried to manage.After all my son can not come home for visits therefor i have to visit him and that costs much more than i actully have.
Ive asked my x to help out and contrbuit towards our son's expensess because of my travelling and because the home he stayes at does not provide him with clothsing and poket money.
I do not have a life of my owen !I have to stay home in between visiting my son so i can pay for my bills and food and save up so can visit my son.
My x has and his wife both work,they have an amazing house in a very good area in London fully paid for and they also have a cottage for weekends out in he country and they are always always on holidays.
I ve tryed to ask my x very nicely to help us out but he refusses and he even does not give my son's money which his grand-father (My x's Father) gives him o giveto our son.
What i need to know is that do i have the right to ask him to countrbuite towards our son and help me out?!
His excuse is tat his wife would not be happy if he was to give money to our son!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please i have a very strong feeling that he should countrbuite and help out finaionshley.
Could you please advise me as how to go about taking this matter to court and get my x to do his part of responciblity.
You must forgive me as English is not my first Launguej.
I awite your advise.
Thank you.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your question.
I shall do my best to assist you but I need some further information first.
Does your son actually need any further funds or are you asking for maintenance for yourself?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

My son has been funded by my loucol autorety whom have been haseling me to hand them what is known the soupport and job supplement.Which i have only applyed for!Why?

Because the transtion team failed to tell me that he was intital to this money from the age 18 years..........!

I also am disabled and in order to visit my son i have to drive 5 hours in order to visit him but because of my state of health and his complex needs ,i can not just visit for a day that would upset him and i physicley am not to visit for two days and then drive 5 hours back.

Although i have not been getting his job supplement and soupport i have some how by basicley when am back in London have no life of my owen and as i told you at the time of my divorse his father my ex-hasbaund was ordered to pay £1000'00 a mounth so i could provied for him.But this did not happend and i became very ill my son had to go and live with my EX and his present wife.

Ever since my son has lived away from me in special need home his father has not paid me a penney towards his son's needs.

The goverment in UK are coming downe very hard on disabled people.

I had a meeting on Monday the 15th of April 2013 and the transsion team were asking me to sign some forms so they will get my son's soppurt allawnce.

If i do this which it does not make any sense at all/my son's carreres Alowance is already going to the transsion team towards his funnding at the home where he lives.

So i am left with my owen disablity alowance and job soppourt suppleyment.

Although i do my best to keep my visits as cheep as posibal still after paying for my room and food and gas i end up spending a lot of money and on top of it all i need to pay for my bills and food when in London.

I hounestley am sure that my ex-Husbund should pay

as you put it towards i think my maintenance or to my son and then my son can pay towards my bills and expenses when visiting him.

My son was put in the home bay the same transsion team that have been trying to take him out and basicley place him in a mental hospital!!!!!!!!!!!

For the last 5 years i have been fighting to keep him in the replacement because as it happens its the best place for him.He was assted by many other homes and colleges and they could not meet his need and he was moved around too many times in fact he still with little speking ablity talks about all the placess he moved to and moved out!!!

My ex-husbund is very very welloff.He has a big house in the best area in London that is fully paid for and also has a weekend get away cottage withswming pool and...............!Him and his wife also are in full time jobs and are on holidays all the time.

After the meeting i did ask him why he does not pay anything towards his so?! His answer was"Do you think my wife would be happy ?If i was to start puting money in our son's bank account"?!!!!!!!!

As i am my son's apointei i belive he has to give me some money every mounth so i can cary on visiting my son and provide him with things like clothising and things that the home would not provide for him.

I still have the paper works from the time that he was ordered by the judge to pay and i belive they are still valied as i asked a lawyer.

Could you please advise me as how to go about getting what is rightfuly mine and my son's?

My ex does not even give my son's gifts which are in forms of checks from his father my ex-father in law to my son!!!!i uesd to recive them in my name but my ex-father in law stoped sending them to me and giveing them to his son ,my ex-hausbund!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the last 5 years we have not recived thses checks-They uesed to be £50'.00 each chrismats and each birthday.I am not sure if as my son has grown older my ex-father in law has incresed thses checks or not?!

I think it is discusting to take the money that its meant to be for my son who happens to be severly Autistic and suffers with very bad chalenging Behaviour!!!!!!!!

You have to forgive me as i am disylexik(If that how its spelled)!

Please can you advise me as how to go about this matter.

Thank you

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Dear Clairep80

Could i ask if you are practicing in UK or elswhere?!

Thank you so much

Mrs P

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
I am a solicitor in the East Midlands.
I am afraid that since your son does not live with you all his allowances should be paid directly to those caring form him and you certainly have no claim for any child maintenance for your son from your ex.
So far as the issue of his paying maintenance for you is concerned much depends on what happened in respect of the original order.
If it was never dismissed you may be able to apply to the court for the order to be enforced - although the arrears are unlikely to still be payable I am afraid.
If it was varied downwards to a nominal sum then you can apply for an upward variation.
However if it was ever in fact dismissed then I am afraid that there is now no further claim that can be made
I hope that this is of assistance to you - please let me know if further clarification is required
Customer: replied 4 years ago.


Yes i am aware of what should happen to my son's benifets!

But as i am the one that is my son's appointe and have to travell back and forth and am disabled and have my owen expensses -Don't you think that my son's Father my ex should help out?!

As he is very weloff and he was ordered to pay the money to me in court and as his dutey is to provided for his disabled son.Could you please tell me what happens in a case like ours (Haveing a sevsrely Autistic child ,liveing away from home...........)?

Surely there must be a law that he has to pay me because i'm our son's appointe?!

I do know that there will be back pays but surely he has to start paying now that our son is in a home miles away from me and he is always asking for me and so on ................!That puts a lot of presure on me.

The other thing is that as i think i said my ex-father in law has always send checks for his grand son (my son) on his birthdays and xmas's !He uesed to send the checks to me but suddenly stoped and my ex has not given any of the checks to my son!!!!!!!!!!He has always been very funny with giveing money.........!Even as his wife ,when i had had our son and wanted pocket money he would not even give me£5 a day so i could buy coffee and treats for our son when taking him to parck!!!!!!!!!! Therefore i started to work but still he would not share our son's nursery fees i would pay them!!!!!!!! So i hope i have given you a clear picture as to what kind of man he is when it comes to money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look forward to your answer about what i've just told you.

Thank you

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
I am sorry but my answer remains unchanged.
There is no requirement for your ex to pay you anything because your are your son's appointee.
Your son is an adult and has sufficient income for his needs - there is no requirement for his father to pay maintenance
It is up to the Grandfather to deal with the cheques.
I know that this is not the answer that you want but I am afraid your only chance is to see if the maintenance order is still in existance