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Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34885
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My husband has decided that our 15 yr marriage is over. However

Customer Question

My husband has decided that our 15 yr marriage is over. However he is refusing to leave the house and live somewhere else. We have 3 boys aged 6,10 and 12 and he says he is not abandoning them!

He wants to continue living in the family home and for us to become best friends raising the children together, going on holidays etc. Everything is to remain the same as far as he is concerned but he no longer wants the 'marriage' part and has indicated in the future he ( and I) may meet new partners and be accepting of them,

As far as I can see he now wants an open marriage as says we cannot afford to get divorced. However this is not what I 'signed up' for and nor do I agree! I want him to move out as, as far a I can see, he is having his cake and eating it! It has caused some major arguments and 5 months later we have not made any progress apart from him moving to another part of the house, he has threatened to convert part of the house into an self contained annexe but this also is not an alternative for me as it is not a clean break.

Is there anyway I can get him to leave as at the moment he comes and goes as he pleases, and although he tells me if he is staying out this is happening on a weekly and when I question his whereabouts he tells me it has nothing to do with me and he does not have to answer to me, however I have three kids asking me where their Daddy is

Any advice would be greatly received

Thanks you
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare and I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How much is the house worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage?
What other assets and debts are there and what income do you each have?
How is the care of the children shared between you?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I think the house is worth about 280 and the mortgage is 180. We both supposedly care for the children ..... It's the normal arrangement . I work part time around the children being at school and then look after them after . My husband works full time , supposedly, but this is debates me as he goes away a lot?! What my question is , can I get him to leave without a divorce and if so how?! And the even after a divorce , can I still get him to leave if he is refusing to go ! It seems pointless divorcing and spending the money out if I have no more rights . I am not really looking for a divorce just a way to remove him from the marital home if he no longer wishes to he 'married' in the normal sense .
Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
I need to know what other assets and debts there are and what income you each have
(and yes there is a way through)
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
He owns his own company but recently told me he took me off as Company Secretary and that he could do this without me having to sign anything. He has a company van, also a motorbike and another car. I have a car too however I think this is possible registered to him. We have no debts. The company isn't really worth anything as he is winding it down to start up another one due to a change of career.

I earnt £14000 last year as I had four jobs to support him whilst he was on his course, however I am no longer employed by his company and I gave up another position. I currently take home £500 a month

His p60 for last year stated he earnt £6000. His wages fluctuate but he is putting £1000 into the joint account at the moment and only started last month.

He does have other money in hi s own account, but I have no idea how much this is and not would he tell me.

I have about £2000 in my account

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Hi Julie
You cannot force him to leave the property unless the Court orders him to do so either as a result of violence or because of a final financial order being made within divorce proceedings
Since he has not been violent (or at least not yet - once you cross him that may change) the starting point is to start divorce proceedings based on your Husbands Unreasonable behaviour.
You can find the process and forms here
Once the Divorce is under way then you apply for the financial side of the divorce to be dealt with - which will eventually lead to a court order stating which of you can remain in the property and which of you must leave.
Since you clearly have the day to day care of the children then it is most likely that it is YOU who will remain and he who must leave.
It is not fast - but once you have begun you may find that the whole picture changes
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Sorry can you clarify something. Are you saying at present I would be able to start divorce proceedings based on his current behaviour, ie the fact he wants to remain friends and comes and goes? IF he admits to having another relationship, which I feel he is but have no proof, am I also right in thinking I need proof and also need to start divorce proceedings within 6 mths of finding out if I am to cite reasons as adultery?

Also with regards to the financial order being made, I am assuming this happens once the divorce proceedings start? In you opinion how long will this process take, weeks, months, years?

Thanks so much for your info to date.

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Adultery is a difficult ground to prove so should never be used unless you both agree that there should be a divorce
His behaviour - saying he doesn't love you but wants an "open Marriage" is Unreasonable so THAT is the ground to use.
It requires no co-operation from him.
Once the Divorce is under way you can issue the Financial application.
The process can take up to nine months or a year.
HOWEVER the fact is that once it is clear that you will not accept the current arrangements then it is likely that he will accept that matters have to be resolved in a more usual fashion
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
He hasn't actually used the words open marriage, it's how I have interpreted it, there is no more marriage as far as he is concerned and he wants to live as 'best friends' and raise our children together. All he has said is that he hopes he does and may in the future meet someone and I do too, but that new person would have to understand his current situation, he still lives with me and the kids, and be accepting of it,

This is not how I want to live knowing my husband is going to have future relationships and it is tearing me apart and causing big rows!

I have an awful feeling you are going to say until he meets someone I may just have to accept it?
Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
No his Behaviour is Unreasonable and you are entitled to apply for a divorce
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for all your help
Best wishes
Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
You are most welcome - good luck