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Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34902
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi, I took the decision after many years to send my sons mothers

Customer Question

Hi, I took the decision after many years to send my sons mothers letter because access has become very infrequent, weekends are often changed when they have been made and they moved 160 miles away from me some years ago. We used to meet half way and she always agreed to do that but informed me over 18 months ago if I wanted to see him I needed to fetch him and return him home on a weekend. I have had a fantastic relationship with my son but he is still young (12) and is easily influenced or swayed by his mother to cancel my weekend as better things are offered. Basically rather than keep it an adult issue, she has informed him of the letter and he is now saying he doesn't want to see me and to stop what I'm doing, is this what normally can happen. I'm at my wits end, what I'm trying to do is create some continuity for me & my son in seeing him on every third weekend, half of half terms and alternate Christmas's and I seem to have made things worse.I suppose the question I'm asking is, if I continue perusing this matter will the courts see what I'm trying to do. Will Caffcas see what his mother has done?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
When did you last see your son and what did the letter say?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi Clare

The last time I had my son was the weekend 11-12 January. It was arranged that I see him last weekend and his mother changed it, which is a regular occurrence and then rearranged for this weekend coming but now his mother has informed him of the letter he says he's not coming.

The letter points out that there needs to be some sort of arrangment in place as when I see my son has become very last minute & infrequent, up to 5-6 weeks at times. The letter proposes every third weekend, half of school holidays, 2 weeks in the summer. These to be arranged by previous half term so both parties know what there doing. My son to contact me should he have something important to do & arrange alternate weekend. This gives his mother 2 weeks to arrange their things. Alternate Christmas's from 22 December to 27 for me this year and New Year for his mother, to then change for following year. As I had little or no time with my son this year, approximately 10 over the whole Christmas & New Year period. Previous Year didn't see him till 27 December as they had a family Christmas at home & they live 160 miles away. Parents birthdays to each spend that day with our son, or nearest weekend, he same with mothers and Father's Day. As a gesture of good will I will not be demanding they meet half way but if I have to make an application to the court then I will.

I suppose what I'm asking is, my sons mother has obviously painted a very black picture and told him about the letter. He is now saying he wants me to stop what doing and doesn't want to see me. That means I may not see him for weeks even months. If it goes to court, would the court take a dim view of his mother involving him in this way? Just lolling for some reassurance I suppose that to continue with this is the right thing to do?

Kind regards

Expert:  Clare replied 4 years ago.
At 12 your son is on the young side for his wishes to be decisive - especially when they are expressed in circumstances such as these where there is a serious issue about what has been said to him
Before taking court action however you should offer to discuss matters with your ex using Family mediation ( and a mediator trained also to work with young people so that your child's independent voice will be heard.
If that fails then an application will need to be made to the Court - at which point the child's views discovered via mediation will be of great importance
I hope that this is of assistance please ask if you need further details