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familylawexpert, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 311
Experience:  Substantial experience (14yrs +) in divorce, financial cases, cohabitation, pre-nuptial agreements and civil partnerships.
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my husband and I have split up after 15 years he is living

Customer Question

my husband and I have split up after 15 years he is living in his mum and dads he wants the kids to stay there every other night I do not agree as they are back and to and it unsettling for them I have said for them to go twice in the week for tea and sleep one night a weekend am I being fair as he thinks not our daughter is 14 and our son is 5
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  familylawexpert replied 4 years ago.

My name is Mac. I will be able to help you with your question.

There is no right answer to what is fair - what works for one family is not necessarily the right thing for another family, so it's a pretty grey area. I completely understand your point about alternating nights, and have not seen a court order that (although I have seen couples agree it...).

That said, the arrangement you have suggested is towards the lower end of the amount of contact that a court might order (unless there are special reasons to the contrary). A more common structure, giving the children more time with the father, but minimising the back and forth might be something like:
- two (or even three) nights on alternate weekends
- say, every Wednesday night.
But that's only a suggestion - as I said above, there's no absolute right pattern.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I did say a wed or a night in the week and every other weekend but he is saying I am being unfair obv it would be different if he had his own place but being in his mum and dads I think it should be limited as the kids do not have own bedrooms etc am I being unfair he works longer hours than me so I am the one here picking them up from school and taking them to school plus he allways late to pick them up


Expert:  familylawexpert replied 4 years ago.

A night in the week and alternate weekends is a very traditional arrangement, and one that is often ordered by the court.

I presume he would rather have his own place with the children, but perhaps he is living with his mum and dad because money is tight? Of course, I do not know the detail of your family's history etc, but in general terms the kind of arrangement above is likely to be considered appropriate by the court if at all possible.

Perhaps the two of you could try mediation?