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Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34888
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Hi I have to children (boys) aged 7 and 9 who live with

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I have to children (boys) aged 7 and 9 who live with their Mum. I want to change the times I see them but their Mum doesn't.
Current arrangements
Tue - Pick up from school, take back to school Wed morning every week
Fri - Pick up at 5pm, take home Sat at 7:30pm every week
My suggested arrangements
Tue - Pick up from school, take back to school Wed morning every week
Fri - Pick up at 5pm, take back to school Mon morning every other week
I have sent their mum 2 emails now, she has not responded to them but has verbally told me she is not willing to change the arrangements. I suggested a trial run for a month which she also verbally rejected.
I feel strongly that my suggested arrangement will be better for the children for various reasons. So I would like some advice on what my options are from here?
Any help would be greatfull appreciated.
Thanks, Dave
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
has your ex given any reason for her objection?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare

She gave 2 reasons.

1, She thinks the boys will miss me too much when they are with her and thinks they will miss her too much when they are with me.

2, She can't cope for a whole week without a break from the boys.

I think number 1 in nonsense and beleive the boys would be fine, I wouldn't be trying to change anything if I thought this would not improve things for the boys. I feel they would have much better quailty time with me and their mum.

As for number 2 when she said this i suggest that the week I don't have the boys at the weekend I could have them on the Thursday night. This would mean that she only had the boys for 5 days at the most. This suggestion was rejected because she beleives changing the day in the week would not be good for the boys.

I beleive that she doesn't want to change anything because she goes out on Tuesdays and Fridays.

If you need any more info please ask.

Thanks for you help.


Would you consider having them every Friday?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


That is what I currently do.


I am sorry - I mean Friday to Monday and tuesday nights in week one and
Tuesday and Friday nights in week two?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


Not really what I wanted to do for 2 reasons;

I feel it is really important that as the boys get older they spend time at home at the weekends. This gives them a chance to do things with their friends, go to clubs etc near home every other week. I live*****away so they are not able to do this when they are with me. From my own experience my brother and I used to see our dad every saturday but as we got older we stopped going because we joined a club which happened on saturday. I don't want that to happen in the future.

Also this would mean that the boys don't get much quality time with their mum which I also think is important they do.

Cheers, Dave

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare

For some reason I have had an email from justanswer saying;

I'm sorry that you did not receive a satisfactory answer to your question. When a customer doesn't receive a helpful answer we encourage them to respond to the Expert and tell them why the answer wasn't helpful. This will accomplish two things:

1) the Expert will work on a better answer, but if the answer is still not satisfactory, you can ask the Expert to opt out of the question and open it to other Experts and

2) other Experts will be aware that you are still waiting for a helpful answer and they may respond on the page. You always have the choice of which answer to give a positive rating to and if you do not get a satisfactory answer, you do not have to give a positive rating at all.

I don't know why they have sent me this because I have not done this unless I have done it without knowing.

Are you still working on this? I would like you to carry on if you can please.

Thanks, Dave

Hi David
I have been off line (a complex care case) which maybe why they sent it!
I actually fully agree with both your proposals - and your reasoning for them.
You are right the children are reaching the age where it is no longer just mum and dad who need "their time" as they move into their teens the children will also want time which is just theirs!
However the problem is in achieving this - hence i wondered about you having them after school on a Friday until 9am on the Saturday as a compromise - however I recognise that the travel is a problem.
To try and make the move to a new pattern the starting point is t0 try and discuss matters using Family mediation (
If that fails then you will have to apply to the courts for a new Child Arrangement Order - details here
I have no doubt that you will be able to gain the Sunday night - but I am uncertain if she will give up asking for you to have them on a Friday - unless she understands that it will hit her maintenance to lose an extra night.
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
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