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Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 35058
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My husband is abusing me psychologically and in the past sexually.

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My husband is abusing me psychologically and in the past sexually. I am thinking of living him. I am not sure that my 12 years old daughter will want to come with me when I am ready to leave. I suspect my husband has been doing some preliminary psychological work with her to set her against me if this is to happen. I am worried that if I leave the house without my daughter I will be not allowed to have access to her or residency with her. Please, can you help to clarify this?
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
What makes you think that this is what your daughter will actually say?
How much is the house worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage?
What other assets are there and how much do you each earn?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hello Clare

"What makes you think that this is what your daughter will actually say?" When I had "difficult times" and had quiet conversations with my daughter hinting that there might be a time that the life in the house will not be tolerable anymore and might have to leave, I did not get a response from her which would reassure me that she will follow me. Her farther, my husband, spends a lot of time, involving her in the activities, where she becomes separated from me - football games, football coaching, watching football, cricket playing and training. All of these brings them close together and leaves very little room for me to participate. She is now closer to my husband that she is to me. I also suspect that he is "brainwashing" her into forming an opinion that she needs to stay with him in the event of divorce/separation. When me and him are having arguments, he keeps on telling me that the daughter wants to stay with him and does not want to come with me. As he is a manipulative person and is shouting me down, so that I do not have a fair chance for discussion of this or any other issue, I am not sure, how much of my suspicions in regards ***** ***** daughter is true, and how much of this information has been created in my mind by my husbands actions.

"How much is the house worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage?" At the moment I can provide you with approximate information. My husband holds all the paperwork on the house and does not make it accessible for me. The value of the house is around £500 000. When we moved in 4 years ago, around £100 000 was the deposit from the previous house. At the time of the moving in my husband coerced me into singing a declaration of trust, where only 40% of the house belong to me and 60% to him (his initial demand was 20% to me and 80% to him). He then inherited around £200 000 form his father and he intends to pay them towards the house. The next problem I will have to deal with in the nearest future is his demands to sign another declaration of trust where my share of the house will decrease further. We have been in marriage for 13 years.

"What other assets are there and how much do you each earn?" We have two ordinary Renault cars (nothing fancy) and I have around £35 000 on my bank account, which is what my mother handed to me over the years so that I have some money in case of great need. None of these money was earned by me, they were simply passed over to me by my mother. I am a teacher and earn in a region of £36 000 a year and my husband is an accountant with the income of approx. £50 000 a year.

The Declaration of Trust will have little relevance so please do not worry about them .
How much does a two bedroom property in the same general area cost to buy?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare

The cost of two bedroom property in my area varies within £200 000 to £250 000.


You clearly have grounds for divorce based on your husband's Unreasonable Behaviour.
Within the financial side of divorce proceedings you will be able to force a sale to allow you each to purchase alternate homes.
The starting point for division will be 50/50 and the Declarations of Trust are not going to change that.
Indeed you may get a slightly larger share if your daughter does chose to stay with you.
It is however possible that his recent inheritance will be excluded form the division - although that is far from certain
So far as your daughter is concerned she is of the age when it is up to her how she decides to share her time between you
Unless and until you are separating it is impossible to tell what your daughter will do - but it is highly unlikely that she will not wish to spend some time with you - and at her age it will be her decision
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Clare and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Clare

Thank you very much for your help. The information your provide me with is very useful.


You are most welcome - I hope all goes well