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Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34888
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I need advice please. I have a court order in place made

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I need advice please. I have a court order in place made against me, I am the mother, my children have one night contact with there father every other weekend. My eldest son of ten years doesn't want to go nor speak to his father on the phone, he's been like this since Christmas but I have still been sending him over. It has now got to a point he is totally refusing to go which this weekend is his weekend. The reason why is because his dad is constantly questioning them about everything that has no concern of the children's (mainly all about me) he is also force hoping them and constantly lying to them. Which has now lead to the eldest not wanting any contact with his father at this present time as he believes his dad is causing trouble and arguments constantly.
Please help, do I force him over to his fathers crying and upset? I really don't know what to do as I will be breaching the order by not sending him?
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
When was the Order made?
Is the child able to tell his father why he does not wish to attend contact?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
The order was made June 2014. My son is refusing to speak to him because he feels that his dad just shouts at him and doesn't listen. I've explained to him he needs to tell his dad how he feels but his answer is no.
Have you tried to speak to your ex about this?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I don't no how to approach this suitation with my ex as he does not listen and threatens me with court all the time. This has been an on going thing and Cafcas spoke to my son last year but didn't listen to my sons feelings and now it has just got worse.
What did the CAFCASS report actually say?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Just that there dad should do more spend time with the boys on his own every other weekend and that my son wants there dad to do more and he should.
But since that he has been constantly upsetting the eldest by constantly arguing and asking him questions. Also he has hardly been having the boys and it's mainly been my exes partner that has them. Which whom the boys are not greatly fond of.
The problem is that at 10 your son is still a little young for his wishes to be the deciding factor in what contact he has.
If he was 12 things would be a little more straightforward.
However the starting point is to make an appointment with a Mediator who is trained to work with young people
That way you will have someone independent who will hear what your son wishes, and if your ex does apply to the court to enforce the order you can then apply to vary the order.
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So I force him then even though he is crying and unhappy?
Having been there I so wish I had the answer to that one.
If you judge the distress to be too great then you will have to go the route outlined above
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sorry just one more thing. How do I apply to request to get the order varied or discharged?
You have to start with Mediation.
If that fails then there are two options.
Stop the ocntact and wait for him to enforce the order and apply to vary the order then: or apply to vary the Order yourslef- essentially this means starting a fresh applictaion for a Child Arrangement Order
Clare and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you