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James Mather
James Mather,
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1390
Experience:  Senior Partner at Berkson Wallace
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The issue is regarding future attempts by my ex husband

Customer Question

The issue is regarding future attempts by my ex husband to take over custody of our 2 children - he caused much upset and arguments during and after our divorce (due to his affair) and took me to court 16 times in one year for one reason or another during the Financial and Custody process causing myself and our children major disruption. I had a Non Molestation granted during the period for abuse and to prevent him using 3rd parties such as the Police to cause me disruption (his girlfriend was also involved but I did not apply for an injunction).
He has continually manipulated our children throughout the proceedings and has them say to school friends, teachers and family support that they hate their mother and want to live with him - the children have expressed this to teachers and headmaster who support me fully and agree the children are doing very well at school and infact improving in their academics despite theif father pushing for counselling stating they are disturbed. Myself and headmaster beleive this is to instigate a custody argument.
I have been advised by my ex husband that he is moving today to an address in 3 miles from me - he currently lives 17 miles away and works a further +20 miles from this so has extended his daily cummute by 15 miles as the crow flies. He has moved directly into an area where there are a number of high schools my eldest daughter could attend in September 2016 and is putting pressure on her to go and live with him and choose a school near him. She states she agrees with whatever he says as she know he will shout and keep going on at her till she agrees.
Myself and my husband (the childrens step dad) both pass my ex husbands new house every day on our way to work and have commuted this way for many years (which my ex husband is aware) and given his past history of phoning the police to cause trouble and aid his arguments for custody we are concerned for the future. How do we put it on record that we feel he has done this to cause problems and to state that we had a history or work/life in the area he has moved himself into? Do I have to wait for an incident before I can then try and defend myself - he will say we are travelling past his house to antagonise him and there is not other route we can take without adding 40 mins to our commute which would cause major problems with child care and family life.
My husband was born in the area and has family friends locally.
My ex husband has no connections, family or friends in the town he has moved to and has extended his commute by 15 miles for no other reason than to attempt to get custody of the children.
Do you think it is worth sending a letter at this point notifying him that we commute past this address etc as I do not want him phoning the police every time he sees me?
I really think this needs to be on record somewhere in case he starts to cause problems. I am 100% certain that he will.
Please advise?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How old are the children and when they are away from their father do they have a good relationship with you and their step father?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Clare, my children are aged 10 and 7 we have a close relationship and a happy family life. The girls took to their now step dad straight away and this was a major factor as to whether I had a relationship at all. They trust him and talk to us both about any issues they are having at school, home or at their dads. Unfortunately my ex husband is a narcissist, controlling and psychological abuser. I met him when I was 18 just 4 weeks after my father died and it was very easy for him to control the relationship. It wasn't long before I had no friends and didn't see my family much either I always had to be back in the house when he was waiting.
The girls were told during my exes most recent affair before we split that they were getting a new mummy and that the doctors would take me away. Him and his girlfriend who had befriended me were telling me I was ill and encouraging me to go to the doctors - I lost a stone and a half in 7 months with stress.
I just want to know what I should be doing to prepare for future attempts to gain custody so I can support my children.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
So if they are asked - privately and away from their father - where they wish to live they will say with you?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare, sorry for the delay in my reply.

My children have stated that they wish to remain living with us and continue with contact arrangements as they are. They have never said they do not want to live with us but they have said they do not wish to live with their father. They also state that it makes them feel angry when he pressures them to say they want to live with him.

Myself and their stepdad try to give them as much opportunity to talk about their feelings as we can without putting pressure on them to make a choice.

My concern is the level of manipulation and bribery the their father carries out - he buys presents which remain in the dining room untouched untill they do or say what he wants them to. He is putting a great deal of pressure on them to say to teachers etc that they "hate" me and want to live with him but luckily we have a good school and the children have told the senco teacher that he is telling them to say these things.

My eldest daughter has stated on more than one occasion after just 2 hours of contact that "she wishes she was dead" because he did not stop pressuring her the whole time.

I worry that they may state under pressure that they want to live with him because its easier to get him off their back.



Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
What is the current pattern of contact?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare,

Contact is every other weekend school to school and wednesday nights alternate overnight one week and 2 hours for tea the next.



Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: No answer yet.
I have provided all details to claire but not received an answer to my question as yet.