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Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 35057
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My partner and I are separating (we are not married).

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My partner and I are separating (we are not married). We have 2 kids (6yo and 3yo) and a house. I work Mon-fri (7.30 to 3.30pm) and he works 5 evenings a night as a musician. He has raised the kids during the day (they didn't go to nursery, my son now goes the statutory 3 hours a day), until I come from work at 4pm. He then goes to work at about 7pm and I deal with the kids, put them to bed etc. he is saying that because he has raised them and has been the "mum" in the relationship I should be the one leaving and paying children maintenance. I could not stop working to raise my kids as I have always been the main breadwinner. His career has not suffered having looked after the kids since he has always worked evenings as a musician. What are my rights please? can he take the house and the kids? could I be the one raising them and staying in our house? (which I am paying 2/3 off every single month) thank you for four advice, I am freaking out

Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
How much is the house worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage?
How will he care for the children at night?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi it is worth £800.000 and the mortgage is £200.000
We had a cohabiting agreement that gives me a higher % ( need to check how much) but I don't want to sell it if I can avoid it.
He works in the evening, so unless he gets a day job and changes his career ( he has been a musician for over 20 years) , he cant, it can only be me, which is what I currently do, I'm with them every evening, every night.
How much does a cheaper two/three bedroom property in the same general area cost to nuy?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


On the same street as mine you can buy a 2 bed flat for £500,000. But I am guessing that you could find a 2 bed flat for £400,000 too. Definitely not a 3 bed flat.

My ex does not earn much, if the custody was 50%, could he claim child tax credits, child benefit , housing benefit etc? (currently together we don't claim for anything, even child tax credits as we don't qualify). I would not claim for anything, I'd prefer he did, if he could, so it can help him out.

Many thanks.

We are planning to go to mediation, and I want us to share custody 50 50. But I would like to know what my legal rights are before I go to mediation, as what he says is "fair" is that he stays in the house with the kids and I walk away.

My proposal is to leave the kids in their house, and we move in and out of it every so many months to share the custody, this is what judges are deciding these days in Spain, and it seems to work.

I have to say that your proposal is unlikely to find favour in the Uk Courts - however if you and your ex agree and can make it work then you will not be prevented from doing so.
You both have Parental Responsibility for the children and it is clear that you have both been actively involved in their day to day care which makes some form of shared care arrangement the most likely outcome if the matter does go to court
It is clear that your ex has not thought through he demand that the children live with him - unless of course he intend sto give up his career - and if he did become the principle carer then there is no question of him remaining in the current property since there is no reason why that should not be sold since that would give sufficient funds for one of you to have a new home mortgage free and the other to have a deposit for another home.
If you do separate then yes your partner can claim benefits.
Do not let him bully you - you are both hands on carers and the eventual arrangements should reflect this.
Please ask if you need further details
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