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Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 35071
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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HiI would like to explain my situation with my ex girlfriend

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I would like to explain my situation with my ex girlfriend as detailed as possible so you can have the whole picture here:
. My ex girlfriend and myself broke up 4 years ago. We have a 5 years old daughter and she lives with her mother.
.From the very first moment we broke up, she decided that I wouldn't pay her any money monthly "as a favour" to me because she is well situated economically (she works in banking) and I earn 22 k per year.
. Because of the above point, I decided to do my best to help her with my daughter, as my name is ***** ***** the birth certificate and I understand that I have my responsibilities, hence we decided that I would take my daughter to the school three days per week and I would pick her up from the school two days per week. Also, I pay her guitar lessons (80 pounds per month) and I usually stay with her when my ex girlfriend is busy. I repeat, we never did something legally, we just did it "by word" between my ex and myself.
. Now, the point is the following: as there is nothing "legal", my ex is never happy with me. She always act like a "dictator", even when we were living together. As I say, I do whatever she says most of the time, considering the fact that she never lets me to decide anything related with my daughter education, hobbies, holidays, etc. One day, she even told me that she would call the police because I was trying to talk to my daughter when she was in the "naughty corner". If I say one single day that I can't stay with my daughter, my ex tells me that she will take me to court and I will have to pay her monthly, so it's some kind of emotional blackmail to scare me.
. More things: we are from Spain but we have been living in UK since 10 years ago; when my ex take my daughter to Spain for summer holidays, she never lets my daughter to see my family because my ex prefers always to stay with her parents (she only take her to my parents when my ex is actually busy or whenever she decides to).
. Now, this week, I am fed up, she blackmailed to take my to Child Scheme to pay her monthly because I couldn't do her a favour "one time only" to stay with my daughter. I said "ok, Laura, I'm a bit tired of you trying to scare me, so we do legally and I will pay you whatever I have to pay, but take into account that now I won't do any favour that you ask me, like take my daughter to the school three days, pick her up, guitar lessons, and other times when you have to do "sports" with your friends and I also will decide with you what is the best education, hobbies, holidays etc and you won't have any "dictatorial rights" to forbid me to tell my daughter whatever I want to tell her, because she is my daughter and I am her father". Am I right in all of that? Will a judge impose me to do whatever my ex is imposing me right now? I don't have much money to pay a lawyer, and she does have it, that's why she doesn't my to blackmail me.
. In my opinion, my ex will be worse than now if she takes me to court, because I do many things for my daughter now and she won't have to decide everything by herself as she does now without my consent, apart from the fact that I don't pay a legal monthly payment.
.Sorry for the long explanation, but I wanted to let you know the whole situation in detail. Please let me know if you need more info. Thank you very much.
Thank you for your question.
My name is Clare
I will do my best to help you but I need some further information first.
Do you ever have the child overnight in your home
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi Clare,

No, my daughter has never slept in my house. This doesn´t concern me much because I live in a share flat with 6 other people and I understand that maybe is not a good place for her. My daughter lives with her mother only in her own flat and I visit her regularly. We live two minutes walk of distance.


Your child maintenance liability is £220 a month (12% of your gross income)
You are entitled to be involved in all the important issue sin your daughter's life - school etc whether or not you are paying maintenance
The law says a child is entitled to ocntact with both parents and the courts will enforce this if necessary - this woudl include your taking the child to Spain to see YOUR parents
I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Could you please let me know what it would be situation if my ex asks me to stay with my daughter because she has to go out and I say "no"? This is what happening now, as I explained in my original email.

As there is nothing legal yet between my ex and myself, she thinks that I have to do whatever she wants all the time. I take my daughter to school three days per week, I pick her up two days, I stay with her many times when my ex asks me too even if I´m busy...but it seems she is never happy with that and she thinks she can control my life.

Another question, please. I don´t have much money, do I really need a lawyer to go court in case my ex wants to go there or can I go to court without a solicitor? In the case that I need a solicitor, could you please let me know how much could be the cost for me and what are my "cheap" options?


You certainly do not have to agree to babysit for your ex whenever she asks.
You are entitled to have a set pattern of time that your daughter spends with you - with anything else simply a matter of agreement between you and your ex
You can indeed attend court without a solicitor - many people do these days
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