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ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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I am 46 married years have 3 children 22,20 (disabled)and

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Hi, i am 46 married for 25 years have 3 children 22,20 (disabled)and 17, all at home. I want to move out and divorce my husband, but not willing to leAve my children at home( they would want to come with me).we have just finished paying our mortage. My husband is not the rational type that I could sit down and have a conversation with about how I feel even though we have had separate bedrooms for the last 15 years. He would never leave the house abd and leave me and the children here. I would have to be the one to go. On my wages and the children it would b virtually impossible to rent a 4 bedroom house until a divorce was finilsed and the house sold. I feel I have to wait until the children have left home b4 i can then leave.what can i do?
Thank you for your question. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you are experiencing with your husband.
If your husband is verbally abusive - you should consider contacting an independent domestic violence service for support such as The support offered can be wide ranging.
If matters escalate, or you feel unsafe - you should contact the Police for assistance. Consideration could also be given to applying to the court for a non molestation order to prevent unwanted behaviour.
Consideration should be given by you to making a referral to a family mediation service such as the National Family Mediation Service As they may be able to assist yourself and your husband agree arrangements in relation to the matrimonial finances and division.
In relation to the family home, on a long term basis, it would be unwise to seek to sell the same without agreement being reached as to the division. Negotiations as to such division should take place after full disclosure by both yourself and your husband. Division should take place only obtaining a court order or after a court has sealed a consent order. Division without such steps could lead to the possibility of a future claim. A court can only approve such orders during the course of divorce or judicial separation proceedings.
On a short term basis, if agreement can not be reached as to who will remain in the property then an application could be made to the court for an occupation order. A Judge could make an order that husband should reside elsewhere for a period of time thus allowing you time to start dealing with matters for the longer term. It would assist your application to be able to prove that your husband has the means to live elsewhere. You should also explain your low income and the care needs of your children.
If the matrimonial home is in your husbands sole name then you should obtain a Matrimonial Homes Rights Notice. This can be registered free of charge by the Land Registry.
Kind regards
I am new to this service and therefore positive feedback is gratefully received.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I think nay be i need to talk to my local council regarding some temporary housing maybe. You see the problem is the first initial step not so much the divorce proceedings and who gets what. Hes very very controlling. Not so much abusive and hes a manic depressive. If i sat diwn and told him that i wanted out the kids too, he would throw my clothes straight out the window, belongings etc... Very hot headed. When i have that conversation i need to be in a position to say, ok im going and mive my possessions out bit by bit previously.its that "inbetween stage" where to go, b4 i proceed with a divorce. I think he would have a total meltdown when/if i were to leave. He knows deep down that when the children leave home, im going. Hes trying to keep them in the house as long as possible promising them the world!
You should still contact women's support. Domestic Violence doesn't just include physical but also emotional and financial.
You should seek benefits advice in relation to any entitlements you might have to help and support and housing. In relation to housing if your home is in joint names then you might struggle as they may consider that you are technically making yourself homeless. But you should still enquire.
You should consider making an application to the court for an occupation order if you are looking to stay at home with your children on a temporary basis until matters are resolved.
Kind regards
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