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ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1371
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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My husband is going to take me to court over shared custody,

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My husband is going to take me to court over shared custody, he has also threatened full custody. I haven't got a clue about any of it, so I wanted some insight on how it works/costs as well as get confirmation if I'm being unreasonable or not.
Thank you for your question.
I am a solicitor and will assist you.
Please can I ask:
- how many children do you have together and how old are they?
- what is the current regime and how long has this been in place?
- has the matter yet been referred to mediation?
- do you have any concerns about your ex? Or how he treats / cares for the children?
Kind Regards
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

1 child, boy, 2 nearly 3 years old

husband has him every 3 weeks for 3 nights (husband's parents collect my son as we now live 2 and a half hours away and husband sometimes brings him back or his parents) out of the 3 nights, my husbands parents has my son the first night.

he has had him for a week during summer hols and so has his parents (to help with childcare)

no mediation, he's just threatening to take me to court but I know he will.

no concerns however he listens to his mum rather than me on how to bring noah (son) up

Thank you for your response.
It is the perspective of the court that it is a child's right to have a relationship with both parents unless there are child protection concerns. I note that you do not allege any such concerns.
I note that your ex is currently spending 2 nights every three weeks with his son and the paternal family also having a 3rd night. I note that your ex is seeking shared care of your son.
On a practical level given the travelling distance between you and your ex - it is unlikely that shared care is possible. Whilst every parent with parental responsibility should have equal status on the practical application in the future when your son starts a school it is not going to be possible for your son to be travelling several hours there and back each day. Whilst this is not yet an issue - perhaps you could agree some more time now and also a schedule for when your son does start school and the division of holidays. Whilst I appreciate that your son is only young - perhaps you could also consider indirect contact as well as direct contact - telephone calls, Skype etc to promote the relationship.
If your ex wants to make an application to court - then he will have to refer the matter to mediation first. Mediation seeks to help patents agree without the need for court proceedings. It is better to try and agree arrangements if possible.
The courts will only make an order if it is considered in your sons best interest to do so. Given the distance between you and your ex it is doubtful that a court would agree that shared care was in your sons best interest - for when he starts school - however you are expected to promote the relationship and agree as far as possible.
Kind Regards
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for the advice!

This custody thing started because I said we would share my son this Christmas, I would have him until lunch and then he would have him from then for a few days. I also said I would meet him half way.
I did have him last year over Christmas and boxing day and then he/his parents had Noah for a week.
I asked we do it this way for this year, because I was in the middle of moving last Christmas and therefore had no tree or decorations up. I did however state, he could have him next year and thereafter we would take it in turns.

Would I be seen as unreasonable?

I have never stopped them from skyping or similar. and his travel expenses have been included in his child maintenance.

As for when he starts school, how would that work please?

Thank you for your response.
You do not sound unreasonable for trying to agree. Christmas is of course a very important time and sharing the time and taking this in yearly turns is very common.
Kind Regards
Please remember to rate positively.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

So sharing this year as a one off is ok????

and then I promised him he could have our son next year but he's just being abusive and stating he'll take me to court over and over. also threatened to take me for full custody which as you can understand is quite scary for me. I just want to make sure I'm doing everything right so he won't have a leg to stand on as such .

Christmas is a big time - so a lot of parent share the time with a handover on Christmas Day and rotating this each year so that each parent gets an alternate Christmas Eve.
Kind Regards
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for all your answers. I'm very satisfied and very happy to pay.

however I don't want it to come out every month as I don't need anymore advice therefore how do I stop further payments?

Thank you for your kind response. I don't have any authority in relation to payments - you will need to contact customer services.
I wish you all the best
Kind Regards
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

thank you x

You're very welcome