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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34885
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Relationship > 7 yrs Married < 4 yrs Property deeds in my

Customer Question

Relationship > 7 yrs
Married 3 children between us all 18+ and do not live in marital home.
Accused of common assault.
Spouse police statement was pushed out of property.
Spouse applied for non molestation order whilst i was on bail and provided evidence 30hrs after my arrest of harm keeping me on bail to progress the non mol order.
Non molestation issued a week later 1 day before my next bail date and just before weekend.
Attended bail next day issued with No further action.
Non mol in place and neighbours informed me spouse had locksmith at property.
I had little time to prepare a response to non mol and no funding for solicitor as spouse cancelled household contributions mort bills etc are all drawn from my bank account.
I had to represent myself with only basic solicitor advise who advised go to court and contest.
Before court, spouse's solicitor entered our court alone for 15 mins. When in court i contested and asked variation contact to be lifted. Refused.
I still have been unable to retrieve my belongings for some time so asked judge if i could access my property when spouse was away from home.
Replied i dont advise. Repeated question as i wanted to know if i was breaking the order. Replied i dont advise it but im going to amend the order to exclude you from property as you are obviously considering it.
I was not considering anything i just did not know what i could or could not do.
Spouse also seeked occupancy order. Status is next interim hearing for witness statements.
I have evidence of spouse abusing and assaulting me and conclusive evidence she has behaved irresponsible relating to house hold expenditure.
I can not get legal aid unlike my spouse and fear i will have to be forced to agree to her terms. which will be get out and stay out.
Spouse has not filed for divorce.
24hrs before incident spouse was booking holidays for us both. Nol mol statement is pack of twisted lies and i could copy and paste the entire statement and use as my own..
Spouse seeking police records of past callS from spouse. Will show every time im issued NFA if arrested. Think spouse may have a caution for wasting police time but also know spouse has assault conviction on police officers and has said i caused that situation due to trying to get away from my harassment. This did not happen.
Spouse admits has medical conditions but has said that ive caused them !!
I feel my spouse has this time founf herself in a point of no return and fears withdrawing would not be ta***** *****ghtly.
I have looked after my spouse for many years with her extreme medical disorders. she gets extremely depressed and is very insecure.
things of recent had been great and we had future plans in place.
Although compelling the evidence of my financial support to her and large amounts of debt trying to suppress her feeling depressed, by providing her with holidays gifts etc.Her statement suggests that im controlling when in fact I've acted responsibly and maintained a home for herself and the children for many years.
With my spouse in fear of being in trouble and the no contact order stayed i am extremely worried that i will not get a chance to reconcile.
This has also been mentioned in her statement suggesting she fears of being talked around. But i know this tactic is to counter the question why stay with him if he's so bad.
I love my spouse very much and even though i have been advised to end the relationship i know this is and always has been medical and feel i have a duty to my spouse to help her overcome these ailments.
I do not know how to obtain contact even if supervised so i can reassure not control my wife.
This incident comparison to other times was quite trivial with no injuries to either party.
I do however admit the past few months i have negleted, rejected and dismissed my spouse because i have been too busy at work studying to progress my carreer. I did not do this intentionally but reflecting of recent i believe my spouse became insecure which has escalated to this.
I feel the court is now in. complete. control of our future.
I am even prepared if it is possible to ask for supervised contact but exclude me from my property even if to find out my spouses true intentions.
I could never forgive myself not being able to save our marriage if here is any way. But the longer this goes on the more she will be thinking i dont care.
Please can you advise me how to get contact back with my spouse and also enter our home we've worked so hard for.
I had basic solictor advise and ive been to homeless refuge who refused me as i have a mortgage and i am basically living out of my car and work now.
If i were to rain down my evidence i feel it would embarrass my wife and cause her further distress but i understand the need to protect myself.
Please can you help.....thanky
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further information firstHow old are the children?What income do you each have
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
my children 18 and 28
spouse 22 23
non live at marital home
my in 2900 gross
spouse on legal aid approx 1000 net
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
How old are you both?How much is the house worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage?What other assets are there
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
property under renovation by me so in its condition probably 220,000
mortgaged interest only at 182,000 and still owe 182,000
arrangment was i paid all bills 100% and we share her income after personal bills eg mobile phones etc. i have accumulated 40k debt since ive met her mostly spent on house holidays tryin to suppress her illness. on a debt management plan since 2010....spouse run up pay day loans later without me knowing so i added to DMP
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
past 12 months overview of finacial expenditure is 32k out my bank 6600 contribition from spouse. 710 paid back to spouse . 3k on maintenance and tools etc eg building materials diy centers etc ...also 1700 on food...which agreement was she bought food. i have printed statements to show all from my old credit cards for 3 wedding dresses 2 engagement rings and holidays as she kept changing her mind with illness
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
What illness does she actually have?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Depression anxiety and of recent Agoraphobia. Although i believe her to have an illness she has always scoured the internet for as much info as to conditions and meds etc
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
When is the next hearing and are any of the children willing to collect your personal possessions for you?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
8 weeks i think. Already tried 3 times and written request to her Sol. Police attended 1 time with me as my son did not collect all from inventory. Police place all my things in road while i checked for items requested. 2 items missing but police said they saw them but she does not want us to go in another time. I showed receipts as they were recently purchased, answer was still no they have better things to do. I just want to get back into my property. the allegation was trivial with no injurys sustained. NFA issued so to me there was never any grounds to issue non mol as i presume it was issued because i was on bail.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
What other items do you want and what do you envisage happening in the long term.
What actually happened?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
There other items tools etc but i have nowhere to store them as i am currently living in my car sometimes friends and family but i cant stay with them for the foreseeable future as they fear my spouse may bring trouble to their homes where there are children.We have gone withou incident for a few years now. Yes we had disagreements but never escalated to previous years. I put this down to having made plans for our future inc home improvements etc. My job is very secure with 30 years service and my spouse also seemed settles until about 3 months ago where she developed the fear of going out. My spouse recently was offered a new job and has since accepted this. Unfortunately i was also seeking to further my carreer and accepted an opportunity to play a lead role in a significant project. This meant i needed to study intensively to fullfill the role and then hopefully if successful be offered a promotion. For about 4 months during my studies we have both been passing ships. i worked long hours and then home i studied. I realise now that i somewhat neglected my with though it was never intentional. I would often fall asleep while studying and not go to bed. I was averaging 3 hrs sleep per night 7 days a week. I also because there was never enough time my day would not even find time to walk upstairs and kiss my wife goodbye for the day. Something i have always done. I should have realised this type of neglect would have had an affect on my spouses security issues. I see how it would come over to her as i no longer care or even love her. That was definitely not the case. When i wasnt working i was studying and when not studying i was working on our home. new Kitchen , bathrooms, plumbing etc.I came home one day and was tired. Gave my wife a kiss and she offered to make me a meal. I was even to tired to eat and said no thankyoy but could we have some time alone maybe watch a movie. She agreed and said she felt tired also. We have a dog who is not well at the moment and self harms inturn costing a lot of money in vet fees. The pet started frantically scratching her ears and my spouse shouted to stop. The pet continued and my spouse smacked the dog and shouted again. The pet starting barking as she was shouting. I said to my spouse just leave it as it will stoo eventually. my spouse took offense and said i was putting the dog before her and stormed off upstairs. I was tired and didnt need this and became instantly tired. I started to doze off when my spouse came backbdown shouting and swearing probably annoyed i never went up to patch up. The dog started to bark again after which my spouse threw the dog frim waist height in to the back patio area. The dog yelped and must have landed awkwardly on the the stone floor. I told my spouse there was no need for that. My spouse now frantic and spitting in speech again told my i care more for the dog. I didnt want to engage and went to see how the pet was. My spouse closed the door as i tried to open it tonattend to dog. She continued to rain down abuse on me saying things that were not even related to this incident. I eventually lost my temper and asked her to leave the kitchen area putting the flat of my hand on top of her
arm ushering to the door. My spouse thought i was asking her to leave the property and said she had rights and was going to call the police. Which she did, but i thought this may be cry wolf. I told her not to waste police time and she may get into trouble and i retreated outside with the dog.Next i knew was the police had arrived and i was interviewed. My wife stated i had pushed her and told her to get out.I told the police my view of the incident and he seemed happy also stating i can use reasonable force to remove a person if aggressive in my wife. The woman police officer took a different view and said it was still common assault who checked with station who agreed and i was arrested and locked away for 24hrs.
More evidence came 48hrs later from my spouse showing a bruise on lower arm...the arm i did not touch. this led to 2nd interview and another bail. I believe this was a tactic to keep me on bail while application for a non molestation order.My wife has been extremely insecure over many years. Things were fine and only hours earlier she had booked to celebrate my 50th birthday.I believe the neglect i have shown her brought her insecurities back. Though i never intended this i was trying to better our position.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
For clarity is what you want the right to return to the property - even if your wife leaves, or is it to establish communication with your wife
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Have divorce proceedings been issued yet?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
not yet .
Can i send family to even collect my mail ?
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Has your wife said that your son is able to call at any time?How was the purchase of the property funded?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
she does not want any of my family at the property. I mortgaged
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Where did the deposit come from?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
between us
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
How much did you each contribute
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
10k each
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for thatHow long have you actually lived together?