How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask ukfamilysolicitor Your Own Question
ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1385
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
Type Your Family Law Question Here...
ukfamilysolicitor is online now

I wonder if you can help me. My ex and I are divorced we

This answer was rated:

Hi I wonder if you can help me. My ex and I are divorced we had our daughter in 2006 and we were unmarried, however we later married in 2010. We have since separated and divorced and are now trying to deal with being parents in this situation. He keeps
on throwing "his rights" at me and how he has the right to do this that and the other. In April his brother became very aggreesive towards me in front of our daughter so much I went to the police. Since then her father and I have made a visiting agreement
between us. As of next year he has her every other wkend and also 5 weeks of the school holidays. This year he has also had time with her every other weekend, 2 weeks in the summer and he is due to have her a week at christmas. I thought we had covered everything,
and one of the parts of the agreement was that if there were to be an incident or accident or Sophia became sick I would be informed at the earliest convenience, and I would do the same if there were to be an accident etc. He agreed. However on Sunday Sophia
was stung by a wasp and he failed to inform me. I just mentioned it to him when I saw him sunday at the drop off, and said he was supposed to contact me. There was another issue involving his girlfriend but it is quite minor and been resolved. However, since
then he has now stated that he doesn't need to inform me of anything he is her father and can do what he likes with Sophia if she is hurt he will do it because he is a parent etc etc. I thought after my many hours of reading (albeit it has fumbled my head)
that he is to be informed and involved in major decisions like accidents & medical care, schooling, etc.. but as the parent she lives with i was the person to deal with all the day to day parenting, and so with things like incidents and accidents i had a right
to be informed of? Please can you shed some light on where I stand and what I can and can't inforce with what he tells me. Also about a residence order, what this gives me, how much does it cost etc etc?
Welcome to Just Answer
I am a Solicitor and will assist you.
Please may I ask:
- was your ex named on your daughters birth certificate?
- it appears to me that the arrangements in respect of your daughter spending time with both of you is agreed by both of you - however it is the passing of information that is the problem - is this correct?
Kind Regards
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Caroline thank you for your assistance. Yes he is named on the birth certificate. We were together at the time Sophia was born, and then later married, however we have since seperated and divorced.We have an agreement that is between us (not done through mediation or anything) however he is not willing to stick to it. Within the agreement it says about how I am to be informed, yet he has now decided that he will not stick to this because he is her father and when she is with him that is it. He has the right to do what he wants and be around who he wants and leave sophia in the care of others whilst she is on "his time".I'm trying to figure out what "rights" he actually has, and where I stand on enforcing things such as informing me of such information, is it a matter of I have a right to know, or its as he sees fit?
Thank you for your response.
Your ex does hold parental responsibility for Sophia.
The current view if the courts is that children should have a good relationship with both if their parents.
The old terms of residence and contact no longer exist and have been replaced with child arrangement orders. The emphasis of this new change is very much to say to parents that they are equal and that they both share responsibilities for their children.
In reality the courts expect parents to be able to discuss matters. You should of course be informed if something happens to your daughter and you gave the same responsibility back. I can see that it would be frustrating if the father is not doing this. You should consider proposing a travelling diary - if it's not possible to communicate - there both of you can pass on important information. Mediation might help the father to understand that it is important for you to be told about things that has happened - say for example if the bee sting had led to an allergic reaction - but you hadn't been told about the sting? Could he see then how important it is?
In relation to securing a child arrangement order to confirm that you daughter lives with you - the courts approach is that they should no make an order if the matter is not disputed - which means that if the father was not disputing that your daughter was living with you then the court then it's unlikely the court will make an order.
Kind Regards
Positive feedback is gratefully received.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
The thing is, often Sophia's dad mentions that he wants roles reversed and points towards having sophia full time himself which worries me. With a residence order or a child arrangement order to confirm that Sophia lives with me, does that post any other positives in Sophia's raising?I was under the impression that as it stood with the way things are, Chris (her dad) was involved in the big decisions with Sophia but the day to day parenting was with me, and he couldn't do certain things without my permission or without discussing them with me first. Like for instance taking her for a haircut. Is that not the case? can he do what he wants when he wants?
If there was a dispute in respect of where your daughter was to spend more time in the future - then the court might have to make a decision.
As mentioned before the emphasis is now on shared parenting. As you both hold parental responsibility then you both need to discuss big issues before any decision is made. The emphasis is very in respect of shared parenting now. The words residence and contact have gone completely so as emphasis parenting and decisions should be shared. The Judges in my local courts are quite literal in applying the new emphasis.
If big decisions such as where your daughter should go to school can't be decided between you then the court can make decisions under specific issue applications.
If something that the father did - was a child protection issue such as causing her emotional harm - for example I have known a father to get a girls haircut like a boy - then this could be a reason to restrict their time. If something like this was to happen then you should report to social services and or the police if appropriate. Generally you should be able to enjoy your right of parenting. This works both ways. Communication is the key when it comes to big decisions.
Kind regards
Positive feedback is gratefully received.
ukfamilysolicitor and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you