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ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1370
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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I am currently going through a divorce, having found out that

Customer Question

I am currently going through a divorce, having found out that my husband is having a second affair, the first lasting 2 years and this one 3 years. I found out about it in March. I also discovered that my husband was with women twice last year when I was in the US having an embryo transfer, at the end of our IVF. Most of our assets were pre-marital, owned by my husband. Will I keep my home? Everything is in my husband's name, including where I live, our main marital home. He now lives in our flat in London (also only in his name) and has other properties too and investments worth about £370,000. We bought our marital home and London flat during our marriage. I have also discovered that my husband has been paying the Philipino mistress about £10,000 a year plus about £20,000 in gifts and £40,000 expenditure on meals. hotels etc. I have been signed off sick since March, receiving no sick pay and have not had a penny from him. Up until I found out about his affair, he was still writing love letters and telling me I was his dream wife, even at Christmas last year. We got on so well and never argued. I spent all my money on him as he told me we were asset rich but income poor and I believed him. I now realise that I have been totally conned and my generous,easy-going nature taken advantage of. I never minded his nights away etc., as I trusted him. Where do I stand now? We are currently awaiting valuations on our properties. Thank you.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 years ago.
Welcome to Just Answer
I am a Solicitor and will assist you.
Please may I ask:
- how long were you married?
- did you have children?
- have you lodged a homes right notice to protect your right to occupy the matrimonial home?
- what was the result of referring matter to mediation prior to the application at court.
Kind Regards
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your quick reply. We have been married 12 years and lived together for one year. We no children, but 3 more attempts at IVF paid for. Yes, I think my solicitor has lodged a homes right notice. The mediator said this was not a case for mediation due to my husband's degree of lying and secrecy about so much of his life. This has all been like a nightmare - I adored my husband. He said "everything was good until I started to ask too many questions." He then petitioned me once he knew I was about to file for a divorce. He admitted the other affair and holidays abroad etc. He has been paying this woman monthly money but nothing to me at all. I can't believe this is happening.

Thank you for your help. I would like to sleep at night.

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your response.
My apologies for my delay in responding to you.
I am really sorry to hear about everything you have been through - sounds like it was a terrible shock.
12 years is a long marriage and you are therefore going to be looking at a starting point in respect of the division of assets of 50/50. If your husband earns more than you - then you should be looking for a greater share.
If your husband earns more than you - the you should also be pursuing spousal maintenance.
If your husband isn't helping to support you now - whilst matters are ongoing and if you are struggling - then you should making an interim application at court for maintenance pending suit. You just need to prove what you are asking for in the interim is reasonable.
If your solicitor hasn't got you the homes right notice - it can be obtained free of charge by completing form HR1 and sending it to the Land Registry.
Kind Regards
Please kindly remember to rate positively so that we receive credit for our work. Your question will not close and I can answer your follow up question for free.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for your answer. My own solicitors are saying that I will hopefully get my home and maybe 3 years of maintenance. They are saying that the most of the assets were owned pre-marriage and are therefore ring fenced and not part of the matrimonial pot. Everyone I have spoken too has said the same as you. When I looked up pre-marital assets, it stated that pre-marital assets are used to meet the needs of both parties and will only be ring fenced if there is enough for both parties. My solicitor says there will be 3 columns - my assets, his assets and marital assets - is this true? Will his pre-marital assets be shared or will he keep them? I was told that it will cost about £3,000 to get Interim Maintenance in Court and if it fails then I will be liable for costs - is this true? Can you explain what happens with the pre-marital stuff? Everything is in my husband's name, so would it still be a 50/50 split? Can you clarify these points please? Thank you for your kind words.

Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 years ago.
Sorry just travelling home - will respond fully shortly
Kind regards
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for patience.
There is a lot of case law in respect of pre marital assets.
The starting point is - where the marriage has been long the court will need good reason to depart from the yardstick of equality.
Fairness is the overriding objective. To decide if a result is fair - consideration should be given to the outcome on an equilastion of resources.
It is accepted that there are 3 strands to fairness: needs, compensation and sharing.
The case of Charman set out important guidance as to the application of the principles of need, compensation and sharing to ancillary relief (financial remedy) applications:

MCA 1973, s 25 must always be the basis of any ancillary relief award (financial remedy)—the three distributive principles of need, compensation and sharing all derive from MCA 1973, s 25(1)–(2)

need (generously interpreted), compensation and sharing must be considered in light of the resources in the case

the yardstick of equality introduced in White has developed into the equal sharing principle or the sharing entitlement

fairness must always prevail
The High Court in L v L gave the principles further interpretation:

first, the assets and general financial position of the parties must be determined

the assets should then be shared equally unless there are good reasons to depart

consideration must then be given as to whether this meets the needs of the parties, generously interpreted

if not, then a greater share of the resources must be awarded as necessary

if the application of the sharing principle means that needs are exceeded, no adjustment is required
Basically: once needs are met (generously interpreted) then compensation should be considered.
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 years ago.
Apologies pressed answer by accident ..... Continuing....
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 years ago.
The calculation is therefore more detailed then yours, his and his premarriage. The starting point really is meeting your essential needs and fairness.
In respect of Maintenance Pending Suit - the quote of £3k seems fair. It is correct that the presumption that each party pays their own costs does not apply to these interim hearings. Perhaps your solicitor can write to see if interim maintenance can be agreed by negotiation? If it can't be agreed and you are really struggling - then you should consider the application as the courts approach is based on reasonableness- you should prepare your budget and go through this with your solicitor.
Kind Regards
Please kindly remember to rate positively
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

That is really clear and reassuring, thank you. Given ***** *****ves in London, I would then assume from what you have said that I will keep my home, as it would be unfair for him to kep both. I get the impression that it is basically subjective and context related in terms of outcome. Am I understanding your answer fully?

Thank you,


Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 years ago.
As mediation was not appropriate and as it's unlikely that full disclosure hasn't yet taken place - then it's hard to give you a finer answer.
Basically - if there are enough assets to meet your needs (generously interpreted) then there should be no issue with you keeping the house if there are plenty of assets. If there are plenty of assets over and above needs - then you should be looking at more than just the house.
Kind regards
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Fantastic, thank you Caroline. I am delighted with your service and will rate you now.

Kind regards,


Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 years ago.
Thank you Louise
I wish you all the best
Kind Regards
Expert:  ukfamilysolicitor replied 2 years ago.
please kindly remember to click on a smiley face so that positive feedback is received.
Thank you