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ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1364
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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Me and my Ex have separated. I am happy to have

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Hi. Me and my Ex have separated. I am happy for him to have access to our children. However he has done a lot of things whilst they're in his care I disagree with. I have tried for 10 months now to talk civilly and sensibly with each other about certain issues to be met with really unreasonable and verbally agressive behaviour. He since has a new partner and my children have met her without any discussion with me, I was unaware it took place. My oldest child tells me most things. So I asked my ex if they were continue to see this woman I did not want her being there every-time he see's them, as I felt he needed quality time with his children who are both so little and have been very unsettled since the split and found it all a huge upheaval. I have since found out shes present every-time he has them and my children have also been sleeping at her house, again with no discussion with me or awareness this took place again I was told by my children, I do not know this woman or where she lives and my children have been in sleeping bags as she has her own children who obviously occupy their own beds. Again I have tried so hard to discuss this my ex and say I don't think this is right for my children at this time and it is effecting them. He just tells me its none of my business what he does with them. The last straw has been that my eldest has told me its a secret but both of my children have been left alone in the care of this woman at her home without their father present for the day. Unbeknownst to me I thought they were with their father! He has not been with this woman long and my children have only known her a few weeks. My children are only 4 and 2 and seem so unsettled by all this. On discussion with the ex again I got a vile response and I asked he does not do this again until it has been more length of time and that my children know her a lot better. I don't let anyone look after my children apart from family let alone a stranger!! he said it will happen again and he doesnt care what I say. I don't actually want to stop access altogether with their father as they love him and he is good with them, I just want to know if there are rights where I can set conditions when he has them, for the welfare of my children. eg they stop at his house when he has them not the new partners and they are not to be left with anyone etc.
Welcome to Just Answer
I am a Solicitor and will assist you.
Please may I ask:
- what is the current regime for contact?
- how long has this been in place?
- how long has he been with his partner?
- any other concerns about dad?
Kind Regards
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He was having them alternate weekends so a Friday teatime to Saturday teatime or Saturday-sunday teatime. but then Him and his dad rail roaded me into him having them more although I wasnt keen as they wanted week nights and my 4 year old has just started school this September. Anyway the new routine started middle of september which is Tues and weds nights and then alternate weekend nights, friday or saturday.
He has been with his new partner 4 months my children have only known her 8 weeks.
Dad is good with the children, however he is just being really defiant in anything I say to him regarding the children and we cannot agree on anything. Only concern is that my 4 year old tells me things are a secret.
Thank you for your response and for confirming that for me.
The current regime is close to what a court would order. The courts do consider that it is important for children to have a good relationship with both of their parents as long as there are no child protection concerns. I note that you have not detailed any such concerns and that you have actively promoted contact.
I agree that your ex should not be leaving your children in the care of another adult. The courts do accept that parents will go into new relationships and a parent focussed on the child will introduce a new partner slowly and at the children's pace.
That being said and whilst I do agree that he has moved too quickly with the new partner in respect of the children - I cannot advise you to withhold contact on this basis. If you did the father would likely seek a child arrangement order from the court confirming the time that he spends with the children. The court would listen to your concerns and would agree that he should not be telling the children to keep secrets from you and he should also be spending the quality time for him and the children - but the court are highly unlikely to suspend his time with the children as a result of what he has done.
In reality the father would have to refer the matter to mediation before he wanted to make an application to the court - as all children matters have to go to mediation before court unless the case is urgent. Mediation is a very good idea and I do suggest that you consider making a referral. The mediator will help you both try and look at matters from the childrens prospective - hopefully the father would engage and understand that the children should not be put under the pressure of having to keep secrets and also that the father should be the one spending the quality time with his children.
Please do not hesitate to ask if I can clarify anything for you.
Kind Regards
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