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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34886
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I am looking fo advice about the situation with my bitter

Customer Question

Hi I am looking fo advice about the situation with my bitter ex husband, he has recently ended a relationship and jumped into another, he has only known her for few weeks and introduced her to my kids and following week had her stay over while they were they, he hardly knows her and think its unfair to have the sleepover with total stranger, i asked him politely to not have her stay until they get to know each other properly and he disrespected me by ignoring my wishes and had her stay over again. So I have postponed all sleepovers until a relationship and trust s formed and that i am satisfied the children ate safe and in mean time he still has parental contact on the said day which is on saturday once fortnight but have told him he has to have my children home by nine clock at night and if he wishes can see them the following day.
Of course he is not happy about this and is being nasty and aggressive in texts against me and my new husband and always fetching the past up and using it against me as i have been suffering depression and anxiety and grief with losing two children, I have done nothing wrong apart from being poorly and on medication, he calls me bad mother and I dont do anything for my kids and I do everything possible for them, he says that because they make a sandwich for themselves they are fending for themselves which he means basically I have to skivvy round them 24-7 and do every little detail for them and they are old enough to do certain things themselves. He is causing me loads of stress again with his mental abuse towards me and I am expecting a baby, he is never satisfied with what I do and I am always doing wrong as far as kids are concerned and its got to stop. He is narcissistic and no amount of talking is going to do anything as he is always right you are wrong, swearing and abusive to me for a number of years and he still tries to control my life and how I fetch up the children. I did say to him that when we divorced he had no problem telling the courts to give me full custody as to be quite honest it would interfere with his social life as he is member of a bike club.
I have done no wrong by asking him to hold off with his woman friend all I am doing is trying to keep my children safe from harm but all I get is you are bad mother you are not doing this and not doing that and im the one here for them who gives them everything and he only sees them once fortnight and has the audacity to make judgements on something he is not here to see or witness, we are just like any other family not without our problems but my ex has gone too far calling my husband a pervert as he wears t shirt and boxer shorts after his shower which i assure you he is covered up around my children but we have now made purchase of proper shorts for him. I have no doubt in my mind that my ex is causing trouble for us to try and split us up and is influencing my daughter about stuff and I have bad thought to be honest that as her father is calling my husband a pervert im worried things will get out hand and him get accused of something he has not done and would never ever do and he is in such a state right now wondering whats next so I said that I would install a security camera to protect both my husband and daughter, it really does pain me to have thoughts about my daughter and her intentions but I dont know what she is capable of anymore with all the lies she tells her father.
I just needed to know am I in the wrong for wanting my kids protected and do you think the camera is good idea so we got evidence.
Thank you
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Harris replied 2 years ago.
Hi, thanks for your question. I am a qualified family law solicitor.
Just a bit more information required:
1. How old is your daughter?
2. Are there any court orders in place regarding the arrangements for him to see her?
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** I have been a family lawyer for 30 years.Please try and stop letting your ex control you in this way.You certainly do NOT need to install a camera, and boxer shorts are a perfectly acceptable cover up.Letting your ex control you in this way - and remember he is not necessarily being honest about what your daughter has said to him - is not doing you or the children any good at all.You do not have to wait on your children - and if your daughter tells you that her father thinks you should then invite her to see if her father would do soWith regard to stopping the overnight contact whilst I fully understand WHY you have done it unless you know that this particular person is a real threat to the children there is little point in curtailing the contact now that they have met her - and indeed she has already stayed over.For the way forward limit your contact with their father.They see him once a fortnight so unless there is an emergency there is little need for contact in the interim days.IF something happens at contact that the CHILDREN are concerned about then arrange to discus sit with him using Family on ensuring that the children understand that their father does not dictate what happens in your house - and unless they are at risk then it is up to their father what he does aat his houseI am sorry - but sadly this is something only you can doClare