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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34902
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I have 2 kids with my ex partner (6, 4) we were never married.

Customer Question

I have 2 kids with my ex partner (6, 4) we were never married. However we have a court order in place were he has access every thursday 1.00pm -6pm for 1 child & 2.30pm -6pm for the other child. However, i had my solicitor send a letter to his solicitor due to his recent actions with the children. He had my son who is 4 who was sick, with a high fever & also a terrible cough he never brought him to the dr & when i collected the kids i took him to the dr he had croup & was put on steroids. My daughter who is 6 - her dad was unaware of her beings one day when i went to collect her he asked me did i know where she was - she walked to a shop 5 mins away & on a main road. I am also concerned of his manipulation, emotional, psychological & mental abuse & he is trying to brain wash them against me because I am pregnant with my current partners child. I ahve asked my solicitor if I am ok to stop access due to my concern for their wellbeing but she has said that I could get prosecuted & jailed. However, I know multiple people in the same scenario who have not been prosectued. I have a new court date of the 27th of January to remove access but in the meantime I need to understand if trying to protect my children is against the law??
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help youWhen was the Order made and why does he see them separately?When did the two incidents you refer to happen?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Clare,The court order was made in May 2nd 2014 - he doesnt see them separately he has them at the same time but my daughter finises school at 2.30 & my son at 1 pm . the incidents happend in the last month. My solicitor sent out a letter last friday
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Sorry - that makes more senseHas he been reliable in picking them up every thursday
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
What alternative ocntact would you offer?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
he picks them up yes, but since he has found out im pregnant with my 3rd child with my new partner he has been poisoning the children & the kids are very confused & have been behaving very bad towards me yelling at me & being very abrupt at home
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
in terms of access, i would not allow any over night stays & weekday access - I would want his access to be supervised
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
What do you mean by "poisoning"?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He is trying to brain wash them against me & their step dad. Telling them that the baby i have in my belly is not their real brother/sister & that when he gets married & have a baby that will be their real family & I will be their step mum - plenty of other things like I'm a spastic & he has called my daughter a spastic too
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
I can understand that this is a difficult time for you with the new baby on its way and the children are no doubt already uncertain about that even without their father making things worse with what he says.Sadly this kind of thing is not unusual and will not be enough to persuade the court that contact should be moved to a supervised basisNeither will the incident with the croup be seen as significant given that he only had your son for five hours - although it does reflect on his overall ability to cope with them for any longer than the five hoursThe incident with your daughter however is serious and does impact on whether or not he can have them outside of a supported environment such as a Contact centre or in the company of other family members such as his parentsYour solicitor is right - simply stopping ocntact is NOT wise - especially over the Christmas season. Whilst it is unlikely at this stage that you would be imprisoned or even face community service you WILL lose the sympathy of the court and will find negotiating the contact much harder because of itIf there is another incident then you will have to suggest using a contact centre on a Saturday for the time being - unless you trust his parents or other family members to ensure that the child does not run offI know that this is not what you wish to hear - but your solicitor is giving you sound advice and the fact that others get away with it does not mean that you would sadlyI hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further detailsClare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
thanks Clare, I do understand 100% what you're saying. We have court in January so maybe the wise thing to do right now is to make sure the kids are safe while they go down there. His parents are in the same area as him they are in their 90's & don't really have the ability to mind a 6 & 4 year old. He lives with them too so they are pretty much black mailed by binge eating on sweets & multiple ice creams after each other, which is also a health risk.
I appreciate your help with this matter Clare - it is a very tough time & to be honest this entire situation has consumed me because I am worried sick about my children, but I guess I will have a much better fighting chance in January to suspend access or have access supervised.
thank you, Jessica
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Hi JessicaIt can seem such a lonely place when you are at the stage you are atHowever one afternoon a week of too much sugar is not the end of the world - since it is clear they have a great mum who cares for them the rest of the timeAlthough it doesn't feel it the fact that the children talk to you about what their father says is great - it means they feel confident to check things out with you. Hard though it is smile and say thats a silly thing to say isn't it - we will all love you and this will be your baby sister/brother /kitten!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Clare, thank you so much. I truly appreciate your help with this. You have given me some hope! my solicitor is quite blunt & doesn't really understand so its great to get a 2nd opinion.Have a good Christmas & thanks again for your helpJessica
Expert:  Clare replied 2 years ago.
Jessica you are most welcome - and good luck