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Harris, Family Law Expert
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 2851
Experience:  Family Law - Specialist in Divorce, Financial Relief and Children Matters
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I deprecated and divorced by ex-husband ten years ago we have

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I deprecated and divorced by ex-husband ten years ago we have son who is now approaching 13 years old. I have always encouraged my son to visit his father and have made the journey whenever his father has requested I do so to drop him off half way. Even when his father has announced dates at short notice I have (sometimes under pressure from my ex) cancelled plans and taken my son to him, even at times when my son did not want to go.
Around 18 months ago we moved to a better area. However it is further away by approx 45 mins, but I still make the trip to the same drop off area even though I drive an hour further than he does (his journey is half hour each way, mine 90 minutes each way) now that it is Christmas he gave me the dates that he could have our sone just three days ago. He has just forced me to cancel the plans that we had already made, on the grounds that I picked him up one day early last year. I feel bullied and am tired of the constant pressure that I feel he puts me under. I go out of my way to be accommodating and still it's not enough. I have had enough and wonder if there is anything I can do to stop this constant bullying and have boundaries to the arrangements and accommodations that I have to make?
Hi, thanks for your question. I am a qualified family law solicitor.
As the circumstances seem unreasonable given the travel arrangements and his short notice and demands, I would suggest that you attempt to prepare a formal agreement which can be approved and included in a court order. This will give you, and most importantly your child, stability and security.
The first thing you will need to do is make a referral to an independent mediator. You can find local mediators here: The mediator will be able to assist you both in reaching and agreement, which you can submit to the court for approval. You have to have considered mediation (unless there is domestic violence or child abuse - which does not appear to be the case), before being able to pursue an application to court.
If your ex-husband does not attend mediation, or if mediation breaks down, you can pursue an application for a child arrangement order under Form C100 and a court fee of £215 to your local family court.
Please let me know if you have any further questions regarding this.
Harris, Family Law Expert
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 2851
Experience: Family Law - Specialist in Divorce, Financial Relief and Children Matters
Harris and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your help, but I think it would be pointless. He is an emotional bully and no court will change him. Thank you for your time.
Thank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** I have been a family lawyer for 30 years.The real answer is a tough one I am afraid. The only person who can change this situation is you.It is not reasonable to leave the arrangements until this late and you should have refused (and yes I know it is NOT simpleGiven that you moved it is not unreasonable for you to bear the brunt of the extra traveling - but the short notice is simply not appropriate for you or your son.The main thing is to set a pattern of contact to avoid the last minute dates.If your ex will co-operate with mediation then chose a mediator who also works with children - if mot then simply inform him what the pattern will be - and stick to it - however much earache you getIf he threatens you the call the policeClare