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Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 35067
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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I am in the Nottingham area and so is the mother of

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I am in the Nottingham area and so is the mother of my child. I have a 10 year old daughter that lives with me 4 nights a week and stays 3 nights with her mother and more in the 6 weeks holidays. I left (with my daughter) my ex when my daughter was 7 years old (During this time she left my daughter with me for 6 months and didn't have her over night at one point stating she had no where for her to go or live with her.) she had what I believe to be numerous affairs often going out and leaving me with my daughter and then had an affair with a lady who she moved in with for approx 6 months and then the lady left and a new lady moved in who she is still with. After that the above arrangement was made though nothing was ever drawn up legally (which is obviously a big mistake of mine!) I work and always have my daughter's mother however, has never really upheld a job and from what I know now doesn't work now as she has MS and had to leave her last work place on the sick because apparently she had RSI! (repatriate strain injury) She has always told my daughter that I don't care for her and that I am always working unfortunately sometimes I do also work at weekends and she has had her or my family (I have tried to always be fair to my daughter letting her go out with different members of the family) Sadly, we are now at the stage where in February my ex's partners mother wanted to take my daughter away for the weekend with some children that she fostered I wasn't happy about this as as far as I knew my daughters mother wasn't going however, my daughter begged me and I said OK. I was meant to have my daughter when they returned Sunday however, at no point could the mother give me a time of when they were returning. I said to her do you want to keep her over night then..? The mother from there turned my daughter against me stating that I didn't care and was always at work etc etc. On Wednesdays my daughter always gets picked up by her gran and she drops her of at my house this did not happen I called my mother she said that my ex has said it had been arranged that she dropped my daughter of at hers I said it hadn't so she should be with me. My mother then started lecturing me stating I don't spend enough time with her to which we had a fight and I said why am I calling you if I'm not wanting her? (because she hadn't dropped her of!) I then told my mum that I would move away as I had had enough of all of them. On monday again I was supposed to see my daughter my sister picks her up from school and drops her of at mine. I called her that morning and said what ever you do make sure you drop my daughter of as I need to talk to her. Again this did not happen so I went round to my sisters house where they were getting in the car. I said to my sister I had come for my daughter and that she had promised to drop her of at mine and she said that the mother had said no. she then returned to the house and my daughter was crying and shaking in the corner of the room (to be fair at this point I was shouting at my sister) my sister then took my daughter and held her behind her back shielding her from me saying she wasnt going with me. I left and have since heard that my sister has accused me of grabbing her to the mother (even though that night my sister had said on the phone that she was cleary being emotionally abused by the mother and that my daughter clearly wants to see me but is being held back and emotionally abused) My sister also stated that she and her partner nearly didnt bring my daughter back to either of us and was going to keep her herslef overnight and she said if she or my mother go against her that she will win in court and that they wont see her. To cut the story short my ex has sudenly changed her mind ad clearly doesnt really believe that I wil grab my daughter and go s she is now letting me see her and take her out one day in the weekend for a few hours. I hve spoken to my daughter and she has clearly stated that her mother was telling her I didnt want her and I have also received phone calls begging to come home as well as a letter she had given to her mum saying her mums a lier and that he wants to live with me and she has told me her mum chased her round the house when she received the letter. I want to go and ger her but I know this would not be right and I have to do things correctly. Although I have nothing legally in writing in terms of what days I have my daughter I do have a letter that my ex wanted me to draft for the CSA a few years ago stating what dayss she had her and we did thi together.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My ex is stating she can do what she wants as nothing is in writing yet she did the letter and areed this with me. I strongly believe my ex is doing this for the child tax credits as I believe she will finish her sons child tax credits in May and since she took my daughter and I know she has changed them over my daughter comes to me saying mum is taking us on holida mum bought me these gold trainers (basicaly buying my child) My daughter has told me that her mother is telling her I don't want her as I have a new girlfriend as well. I worry that if my daughter stays with her full time instead of going back to 4 nights/3 nights of the following:
*the influence of what she is saying to my daughter and her mental state
*she has a poor family unit (mum and dad dont get on with her, her sister is an alcoholic from what I know and her other sister has been sectioned a few times)
*A couple of times her mother hasn't turned up to school for her
*she has ms which could worsen
*I know from past experiences her son used to beat her up
*I believe her mum smokes as she always comes back with clothes that stink of smoke
*my daughter has written a letter stating she wants to come home to me
*I am concerned for my daughters stability in terms of my ex going from partner to partner and the fact that I believe the lady my ex is with had an adoptive daughter with her ex partner that she has left behind not providing stability for the children in their careI believe at the minute my exes argument to have her is that I am tying take my daughter away and move away as she said this is what my mother had said and she is safe guarding her
her second argument is that I didn't have her every weekendIn return to this I would say I have moved away half hr but still in the county I am just tired of the drama
that living so close to them all brings
secondly I admit I do work some weekends however I have always been flexible with them all letting them hve her and take her away sometimes to keep my daughter happy and to never say I kept he away from them allAfter nearly 4 years why does she want to change this is my argument why now? there can only be 2 answers
for financial gain as her having her all the time means she gets tax credits and she will loose her sons in may
me hving a new girlfriendI have had an assessment in mediation but have made it clear to them that I want it going immediately to court and get the court papers as I am so concerned for my daughters stability and emotional welfare.I do not know where to go with this as at minimul I want my daughter 4 nights a week again however, my daughter has clearly stated that she wats 5 nights a week with me and see her mother at a weekend if this is the case I'd want to try and get a residential order in place as I really believe it would benefit my childs stability an careThe mother has now offered me 2 nights and every other saturaday where do I stand with this as I need a 2n opinion as my solicitor says I should try and keep it out of court and only mabe will I get my daughter back to 4 days.
She says to accept the offer and try and move it along to 4 nights again surely it shoud be more and the mother can’t do this when I have had her for so long in this pattern? I f she can do this surely I can go and take her from her like she has me??
HiThank you for your questionMy name is ***** ***** do my best to help you but I need some further information first.When did the change of arrangements actually happen - and are you sill living kclose enough to her school to make shared care possible
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
yes we have moved out of the area but still work there for her to go to school there etc so approx 16 miles out
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Approx Jan
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My solicitor is saying maybe we will have to accept the terms which I'm not happy about she said we can work up to 4 nights again but why because my ex says so??Can I not just go and get my daughter she has done this to me? She has even told the school not to let me collect her under any circumstances
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
my daughter has made it clear where she wants to live as well crying down the phone to me and I've held back thinking the court will realise what the mother is doing instead it seems the opposite
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Also note that she started stopping me seeing my daughter before she had the argument of me moving!
I appreciate that you did not move until after the problems started - but how long would it take to get her to school in the morning?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
*****at the most however, the mother moved first out of the area 15 mins away but approx 20 mins minimum bus in the morning to school as she does not drive
so she moved out of the area first
Have you asked for alternate full weekends - Friday to Monday?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
so one weekend on and one of? no and don't think she will allow for that as she wants more days for tax credits
if she can just take her to live there can I not just keep my daughter one saturday as she has requested from both of us that is what she wants to live with me? also why is she allowed to dictate? also she is messing me around with the saturdays to like this week she said she is out until 4 and sunday she may be busy so already shes messing it up
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
does she have the legal right to stop her from seeing me?
I was thinking about what a Court might Order if asked to do so - which is likely to be alternate full weekends plus one or two nights in the week with collection to and from school - and of course half of all school holidaysWhilst I fully understand the temptation to simply do what your ex did the simple fact is that it was not right when she did it and will be even less acceptable if the action is repeated by you.Your ex will then apply for an Order that the child is returned to her - and the courts will grant it in the interim while they sort things out.Please remember that your solicitor has access to all the paperwork in the case and I do not - but from what you have said I cannot see what you have to lose by making an applictaion to the Court for a Child Arrangement Order - which could at least re-instate the three nights a week - if not moreI hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further detailsClare
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
thank you for this may I ask what order that is that she could go for to get my daughter returned to her as surely I could do the same?
It is an emergency application and if you had made it as soon as the child was not returned then you may well have been successful.Sadly at this stage the same application will not be dealt with as an emergency - you will have to do it the long way
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sadly I was not advised of this.... before you go may I ask do you think it is likely or unlikely that I will get the outcome that I want the return of my 4 nights?
Thank you very much for your time and help
NO I can see that you were not well served at the start.Yes I think it is possible to work back to where you were BUT it will take patience and planning!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
ok thank you so so much for your help
You are welcome - stay calm and child focussed at all time
Clare and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you