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Harris, Family Law Expert
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 2851
Experience:  Family Law - Specialist in Divorce, Financial Relief and Children Matters
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There, my husband had an affair 8 years ago with my best

Customer Question

Hi there, my husband had an affair 8 years ago with my best friend an neighbour, he begged forgiveness, and I gave it to him. Unfortunately he was never the same he became emotionally dettached, accused me constantly of wanting other men, even sleeping with the postman on the living room rug in front of my 2 year old daughter, accussing me constantly of not loving him, when I absolutely adored him, but nothing I did was ever good enough. Through a football team he was running, he made alot of new friends, and wanted to be out of an evening clubbing it and spending money we didnt have, he didnt want me to be a part of his with hislife new friends. Then weekends we should have shared together, he started spending all his weekends with his parents for days out, taking my children and leaving me at home alone, knowing me and his mother didnt get on, so I could not go. I spoke to him about the situation, he didn't care less. It all came to ahead, we had a huge argument and I told him to leave, but I was devastated and loved him, so tried to sort it out, he came home, but made no effort, made me feel invisible in my own home, carried on going out with his ne friends, weekends out with his parents, leaving me at home on my own at home. 9 months after coming back, he left me and his children, we had not contact for 3 months, then he got in touch wanting me back, but only wanted to see each other twice a week, basically he strung me along for over a year then picked up with a woman of a dating site with 2 children, but the week prior to meeting her , he was sending me messages telling me I looked gorgeous, would I go on holiday with him in july, yet he was picking a woman up on Tinder, a dating site. He has manipulated my youngest two children against me, he had been with his new woman a matter of six weeks, was buying presents for my 11 year old daughter saying they were off his girlfriend, so my daughter would instantly like her. I told him he was to wait untill he knew this would be a long term thing with this woman, before they were to meet her, as they have been through so much in our split, if his new relationship turns sour, which its very early days, hes been with her 12 weeks, but its my children that gets hurt, but he ignored all that, and behing my back he was taking my children to see her, and making them lie about it. when he has weekend contact,he keeps leaving my daughter with his mother, and his girlfriends sister, so he can swan off out with his girlfriend. The phone messages he has sent me, telling me his girlfriend of 12 weeks is the love of his life, and yet we were together 22 years. putting me down as a wife and a mother. I found messages on my daughters phone from her father slagging me off to her. My daughters behaviour has been horrendous, shes speaks to me with such a lack of respect, and sees her dad through rose tinted glasses. My daughter came back from her weekend with her father on sunday, with such an attitude, spoke to me like dirt, I told her off, so she packed her bags, rang her dad, he came and fetched her, and shes saying she is going to live with him, devastated is not the word, she is 11 years old, she should be with her mother. My husband loves it, as he thinks hes won. What I want to know is can I divorce him for unreasonable behaviour, or do I have to wait till its been 2 years for desertion?? I just want him out my life. Where do I stand on the grounds of my daughter??
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Harris replied 1 year ago.
Hi, thank you for your question.At this time you would be best to pursue a divorce under unreasonable behaviour and rely on what you have stated as the factor that have led to the marriage breaking down irretrievably. You would not be able to rely on desertion as this is when someone disappears without a trace for two years.In relation to your daughter, I would suggest that you make a referral to an independent mediator (you can find local ones here: The mediator will assist you both in reaching an amicable agreement that is in the children's best interests. If mediation does not help, then you will be able to pursue an application to court under Form C100 together with a £215 court fee to your local family court for a child arrangement order and the court can make a decision regarding the matter. For your information the Court will take into consideration the following when making a decision regarding the application:1.The wishes and feelings of the child concerned2. The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs3. The likely effect on the child if circumstances changed as a result of the courts decision4. The child’s age, sex, backgrounds and any other characteristics which will be relevant to the court’s decision5. Any harm the child has suffered or may be at risk of suffering6. Capability of the child’s parents (or any other person the courts find relevant) at meeting the child’s needs7. The powers available to the court in the given proceedings Your daughter will have a right to a relationship with both of you, and this can only be reasonably restricted if there are issues of risk to your daughter due to the level of care provided to her.If you have any further questions regarding this please let me know. In the meantime if you found this information helpful please provide a positive rating using the stars at the top of this page. I will not be credited for answering your question without a positive rating. Thank you