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Harris, Family Law Expert
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 2851
Experience:  Family Law - Specialist in Divorce, Financial Relief and Children Matters
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My daughter has given birth, 6 weeks early to a gorgeous

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My daughter has given birth, 6 weeks early to a gorgeous little boy. He was in neonatal unit fir respiratory distress for 12 days and finally came home yesterday.My daughter ended relationship with the father before she even knew she was pregnant. She was seeing him for 9 months tho during this time she did end the relationship once or twice due to his erratic behaviour. He always said he would change and she each time gave him another chance. She finally ended things permanently when in anger he raised a fist to her face, tho not hitting her, he hit a table instead. When she ended it with him 3 weeks before finding she was pregnant, she is 24, he inundatedher with texts, some nasty, some a bit stalkerish and his friends were sending abusive texts to her too. He just said he would stop them if she went back with him.Sophie has been very fair with him since finding she was pregnant allowing him to scans etc, he was at the hospital when baby was born tho not in room as she developed a liver condition requiring baby to be delivered early and fast by c section. I was with her all the time and went to him as soon as he was born, even taking him to neonatal unit to see him as he was rushed there straight from theatre.
We allowed him to see baby at first whenever he wanted providing my daughter was present .
However it became too difficult when he kept trying to kiss her in the lips and kept touching her which was not appropriate particularly when holding baby at times too.
Finally after several days the consultant and 3 nurses called her into a private meeting. She was told that they were worried about her and baby as nurses had reported inappropriate behaviour and some aggression on his part. In particular they had noted that on one day when they asked him to wait outside for 20 mins as they wanted to help my daughter to breastfeed he made an inappropriate comment 'why should I go it's not like I haven't seen her breasts before., Sophie was appalled and her shock was unbeknown to her noted by staff. On leaving the room he apparently ran out, angry and upset and was punching himself in the thighs very hard. His mother ran after him to calm him down. She even managed to try to excuse this behaviour by saying it's understandable as he still loves my daughter despite fact they finished 8 months ago. His behaviour was again noted on baby's file.
Consultant advised strongly against his name appearing on birth certificate as it was felt that if it did go on, at this stage, they would be concerned for both my daughter and baby and may ask social services for advice. They then had another meeting with my daughter the next day to see how she felt as they noticed she was anxious every time he was around.
In any event we have told him that he may have access to his son twice a week for an hour initially (baby is v tiny and breastfeeding) under supervision by Sophies parents. This has been accepted for now. She has further had to endure vile texts from his friends as well as open comments on Facebook naming her and saying awful things about her with veiled threats such as ' you can't control who he takes the baby to see when he has him etc.'
He keeps saying he will stop them if she goes back with him.She has made the decision to leave his name off the certificate, with an offer that he can be added at a later date if he can demonstrate he can be a good father and separate his emotions from her and have on,y his best interests at heart.
The problem is we haven't told him yet as his mother wants to shield him from what the hospital has said as in her words ' I am afraid what he will do, particularly to himself if he finds out'
This only reinforces our fears that he may be unstable.
His mum is also using a lot of emotional blackmail in her conversations with me
She is also requesting to come to my home when he visits to keep an eye on him.
This sounds awful as well, I know, but I am worried about hygiene too, as on all the occasions he and his mum, and one of his 3 brothers visited tho they looked very clean they stunk of BO .
The baby will not be permitted to go to their home as the patents plus 4 boys live in very cramped conditions, one of the boys is autistic and prone to outbursts , and they have a large, very energetic dog. Not an ideal atmosphere for a prem baby.My daughter is 24 and holds a very good job where she has been for the last 4 years and she is returning to work in 3 months although her boss is allowing her to work from home for 4 days a week and one in the office. She is a specialist recruitment consultant . She will be working from my home She is not reliant on maintenance from him. The fathers mum sayswhilst she knows her sons actions are totally wrong, that he is only doing it cos Sophie won't come back to him!!Advice please urgently As he is due to visit in the morning.
Hi, thank you for your question. Given the concerns that your daughter has about the father's behaviour and level of care he will provide the child, she is within her rights to not allow contact until he can demonstrate that the child will be safe in his care.The child has a right to a relationship with the father whether or not he is named on the birth certificate. The only difference if he is named on the birth certificate is that he will have a right to be consulted regardingajor decisions in the child's upbringing, such as education, health and religion.If they are unable to come to an amicable agreement regarding level of contact between him and the child I would suggest that your daughter makes a referral to an independent mediator (you can find local ones here: The mediator will assist you both in reaching an amicable agreement that is in the children's best interests. If mediation does not help, then it would be for the father to make a court application for a child arrangement order and the court can make a decision regarding the matter. For your information the Court will take into consideration the following when making a decision regarding the application:1.The wishes and feelings of the child concerned2. The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs3. The likely effect on the child if circumstances changed as a result of the courts decision4. The child’s age, sex, backgrounds and any other characteristics which will be relevant to the court’s decision5. Any harm the child has suffered or may be at risk of suffering6. Capability of the child’s parents (or any other person the courts find relevant) at meeting the child’s needs7. The powers available to the court in the given proceedingsIf you have any further questions regarding this please let me know. In the meantime if you found this information helpful please provide a positive rating using the stars at the top of this page. I will not be credited for answering your question without a positive rating. Thank you
Hi, this question remains open. If you found my information provided helpful please could you rate my response positively using the stars at the top of this page as I will not be credited for my response without a positive rating.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you so much for your valuable advice. We have to weigh up our decisions as to the fathers stability as several people have now come forward to say he has a very aggressive temper and have themselves either witnessed it or been on the other end of it.
His mother wants to always visit with him she says which worries me further. But your advice has certainly helped. Sadly I can't afford anymore money right now though I still need advice so will have to come back at a different timel
Thank you - I hope it goes well. If you have any questions in the future you can ask for me directly by starting your question For Harris