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ukfamilysolicitor, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 1441
Experience:  Divorce, Finances, Children, Domestic Violence, Care Proceedings
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My ex is telling my children im trying to them from seeing

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My ex is telling my children im trying to them from seeing him. Their both coming home at times really upset and i have a feeling hes turning them against me, what is the best thing i can do? Im so worried their not going to want to come home
Hello Welcome to Just Answer I am a Solicitor and I will assist you. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you are experiencing with your ex. Please may I ask: - how old are you children?- what is the current routine for them seeing their father?- is the father asking for more time?- are there any other concerns about the father?- are there any current court orders in place? Kind Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The children are 5 yrs and 8 yrs old.
When we were together i was at college 2 times a week so he would have them whilst i went so after we split this routine continued ss it was necessary then since finidhing college i suggested they didnt need to go twice a week anymore as i felt as he sees them every weekend ( we split the weekends up so we both see them) this was already enough but this wasnt go to wrk as the children had already got into the routine and wouldnt like it so as it still stands they go to their dads tues from 5 till the next day where he takes them to school dame with thurs and he sees them every weekend either fri and sat or sunday.
When my ex moved in with his new partner he started telling me he was picking the kids up every tues and wed from school instead of mysrlf doing it and dropping them off at five as was always the plan, his partner was also picking them up which as i had always done this and arranged my workhours round i felt unhappy this wasnt discussed with me, so he was taking more time than agreed , i didnt like this as when the weekend fell so he was having them the fri/ sat he would be picking them up from school and so i woukdnt have seen them for 3 days which im not ok with.
Me and the dad have different ideas on influences the children have for instant psp games and have often asked him not to allow the children to play 18 cert games which he has ignored. My ex is very influential and seems to like putting people down and has a very sarcastic dry srnse if humour which belittles others as he always does it to me.
No there are no court orders in place.
Hello Thank you for your response. Just so I am understanding - the father is having the children every weekend and also 2 weekday nights. The week day nights used to be overnights but now that he has a new relationship - the children are actually dropped back off at 5pm. Is this correct? Kind Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Sorry no hes always had the children tues and thurs night but i would pick them both up from school at 3 and take them home do their honework etc and then take them to their dads at five. They woukd stay over night till the norning he would take them to school.
When he got with bis partner he started telling me he was going to pick the children straight up from school on the tues and thurs and taking them back to his. They go to different schools so he woukd get his partner to get one. He didnt discuss this change with me and i wasnt comfortable with it as iv always picked them up as he could never do it as he was always working and unavailable. Iv since had to tell him i think it should be and his responsibility to take the children to school and not to involve partners except if really necesssary as i dont feel comfortable with it. I have managed to get him to agree to this at the moment
Hello Thank you for clarifying that for me. So he has them Tuesday and Thursday overnight and also every weekend - with one weekend him having them on a Friday and Saturday and the alternative weekend him just having them on the sunday - is that correct? If so, such an arrangement doesn't sound unusual to what a court might order. It is the courts position that children should have a good relationship with both of their parents and courts are pro shared care arrangements if this is in the childrens best interests. I doubt the court would order more time for him then the current arrangement and you are hardly restricting contact if they are seeing their father so regularly. Different styles of parenting are difficult and I completely agree with you that your children should not be playing 18 rated games so this is an issue that he needs to look at. The father should also not be saying things about you to the children - this is bringing your children into adult issues and they are far too young for this. If the father did try and keep your children - you can make an application to the court urgently for your children to be returned to you. The children are too young to make decisions of whom they should live with and a court would not look favorably on the father if he tried to keep your children telling you they didnt want to come back. I would recommend that you consider referring your case to family mediation. Family mediation is a service that helps you both try and agree a plan for your children and also air the concerns that you have about the games and what the father is saying to the children. There are lots of family mediation services and there will be one local to you. If you just google family mediation in your area and you can give them a call to get the ball rolling. If the father did want more time with the children then what is the current routine then he would have to refer to family mediation before he could apply to court. Let me know if I can help you further Kind Regards Caroline Please kindly remember to star rate our service so that we receive credit for helping you today
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for that.
We have been to mediation and all seemed to have been resolved. This upsetment from the children seems to be the latest problem and there is no need for it. I only ever had a problem with himfeviding new arrangements with discussion and never have i refused access. Hes a very argumentative man and im worried his words to the children make them feel u settled. All i ever tell them is they see their dad a lot and i will never stop themfrom seeing their dad i just hope their not turned against me by what their dad says
Hello I agree. The father should not be putting such adult issues on your children. In respect of your worries about the father turning the children against you - from my experience - this actually tends to work the opposite - as as you children grow older they will realise that you are not the one causing the issue or putting them in an awkward position. Perhaps you could say to the children that mummy and daddy both love them dearly and they both want to spend lots of time with them and that mummy and daddy will sort this out - so that they dont need to worry. Kindest Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I will keep on telling them that yes, its just a horrible thing to do. Its making them feel upset and insecure for no reason , the children sometimes come back from their dads begging to go back spend longer with him should i happily say yes or say no, i want them to see im not stopping them but then i dont want them not to want to come home but i think if i allow them to go back they will finally see its not me?
Hello I do not think that the current arrangements are unfair and you need to spend time with your children also. You should not have to send the children back because the father is emotionally blackmailing them - the children are far too young for this. You need to request the father to stop such actions and involving the children. The children are too young and the decisions should be made for them - if you send them back on your days with the children then I doubt that this will prove anything to your children. You need to hold your ground that your children need to spend time with you too and that the father should promote this and not undermine you. Kindest Regards Caroline
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you
Your welcome Please do not hesitate to ask if I can help you further ps when you star rate our response - your question remains open and I can answer your follow up questions for free :)
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