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Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34896
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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THE BACKGROUND My W and I septd a few weeks ago. 4 Ks, 8, 6,

Customer Question

My W and I septd a few weeks ago. 4 Ks, 8, 6, 6 and 4, 12 yr marriage. N worth between £4-7m. 90% non-matr (mine).
Has been reasonably amicable routinewise with not much change from before. We have two houses (one in oxford for term time one*****for weekend/holidays) quite close so really I have only been sleeping at oxford house and doing school runs or coming to main house to look after kids, tea, bedtime etc (mostly times that suit her). I see kids every day and all has been fine from their perspective. We all went on ski hols at easter and it worked fine. She has not instructed a lawyer but has decided upon one. I have spoken to a number, received some initial advice (solely financial) but have not instructed anyone as yet. All was quite amicable and we decided to holiday en famille again (she would gladly have gone without me but) I was not prepared to pay for an exp. holiday without going myself for fear of setting a precedent.
We flew in to Italy yestdy and, while I was renting the car, thieves stole my cabin bag. It was right by my feet but these are professionals. It contained, among other things her unbacked up laptop with 11 years of her work on it. She went beserk saying I had been careless. She had calmed down by late last night. Amazingly police called this morning to say that they had found it dumped and would I go to collect it. They mentioned in the call that the passports etc were still there, including " a computer". She was very relieved, I drove 6 hrs round trip to pick up the bag. When I got to the police station the bag was there with everything bar a bit of cash and her laptop bag. The computer to which they were referring was my son's iPad. There were other valuables in the bag which the thieves did not take like a brand new fully boxed satnav and a camera. Slightly bizarre but true. When I returned I reunited kids with various toys and she said that it was very "odd" and accused me of taking the laptop. I explained that I had opened it in front of the policeman and he had witnessed the fact that it did not contain the laptop. She clearly still had suspicions. I said it was not my fault that I had been robbed, at which point she went beserk calling me a "f**kwit" and physically attacked me, punching, slapping, scratching and pulling. This was all in front of our 4 yo daughter. I said "not in front of Emma" and she carried on, saying "I don't care". Up until now we have kept all the kids out of the picture but Emma must have seen my face covered in blood (as potentially did the other kids) I did not know I was bleeding until I went to a bathroom to look in a mirror for bruises from the slaps. It was then that I discovered she had scratched me very badly and half my face was covered in blood. I took photos on my phone and made a video "witness statement" I then cleaned myself up so as not to upset the kids ( I only know my 4 yo saw the fight, I don't know who saw the blood as I was unaware I was bleeding. I am, physically much stronger that he and so could easily have fought back but I didn't and wouldn't. This is out of character for her, she never uses violence and would never hurt the kids. The assault was sustained, lasting probably 90 seconds or more. She then attacked me a few minutes later, not so badly, saying, "wasn't it odd that only her things were stolen". She repeatedly said that I should curtail my holiday and leave her and the kids there, which I said i wouldn't. Again, it's an expensive holiday (c£12k) and I do not want to set precedent. She has just called from the villa, asking where her phone is and virtually accusing me of hiding/taking it. She also said "don't come back tonight". I could possibly find alternative accommodation i need be I decided to leave the villa, in order to get out and to get an internet signal at which point she attacked me again, breaking my glasses. I made "witness statements" after these subsequent attacks, I am now in a nearby restaurant using their wifi. . All of these "allegations" are unfounded.
1. Should I report this to the police ? I don't forgive her but I don't want to get her in to serious trouble. It, in no way, would benefit the kids, but should I have a record ?
2. If I stay away tonight am I setting a precedent whether I do report or not? Kids will think it odd if I am not there tom am, even given the situation at home where I am not there when they get up but frequently (3-5 times a week) bring breakfast
3. Do I need to report to have a record should she get "tricksy" later on ?... can I keep this on the "back burner" without an official report?
4, Should I curtail for myself ? If I try to insist she does. She will insist that the kids go too, which will upset them and they will not understand. I possibly could go myself and make a convincing excuse.
She is a good mum and kids do best when both parents are present.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my bets to help you but I need some further informtaion first

What is it that you wish to achieve?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
We are clearly going to get divorced as all trust has broken down. I don't want to get her into trouble but anticipate that she will (and be advised to take me to the cleaners). In case it does get nasty I need to be advised on the legal aspects of my questions. Could she use my staying away tonight or curtailing my holiday against me in any access arrangement or is the latter setting a precedent whereby she could claim for this level of holiday spend with just her and the kids. It has historically been 3 or 4 hols pa. But I have always been there. Also she is clearly a tad delusional at the moment and while I hope this is a one off, I may need to bring it up if it happens again. So do I need to report? A
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Would it be best to chat?
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Given that you are abroad it may not be wise to report it since you have no way of knowing how the local police will deal with it

It may well be best for your to stay away - and this cannot be used against you in the future - indeed it will be seen as being child focussed

Please ask if you need further details

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Dear Clare,I have not received a reply to my previous email requesting a full refund and cancellation of the membership.Adam