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F E Smith
F E Smith, Advocate
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 10234
Experience:  I have been practising for 30 years.
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I am an adult who is from New Zealand. My family is a bit

Customer Question

Hi - i am an adult who is from New Zealand. My family is a bit mafia. I believe there are problems with adult incest and i have been receiving coercion and threats which i have ignored. I am now about to travel through Italy with my mother and i believe she will either.
1. Try to enrage me in hopes of me physically attacking her (which i will never do i have very good self control).
2. Threaten to have others in the extended family all point the finger at me for a crime which i have not committed (i would have to use my imagination to get more specific). Perhaps she hopes this might help her achieve point 1.
Anyway i am nervous as she has already informed the tax offices when i was behind on affairs (which has now been sorted). But she has insinuated i will keep having accidents until i do it. Latest was arranging all friends to turn on me via Facebook.
Do i have anything to worry about and if i was threatened what should i do. She is clever and is always careful to imply things rather than actually say them...
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  F E Smith replied 1 year ago.

I have to ask the question that if you have all these problems with your mother, why are you still speaking or having contact with her or indeed, travelling with her?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I know is risky but she has been a good mother all my life and from friends and family i am getting the message it is common? Is confusing and breaking up with your family is not easy - i am trying to manage this best i can. Besides in a wierd way this 'killing of spirit' seems to be necessary as rape is all too common in this world. I have been sexually harassed so much the past 5 years i come to expect it as normal. Happens with my girlfriends family, i have left several sports clubs, groups of friends and 7 jobs due to relentess sexual harassment. Seem i am punished for not doing it. All media offices i have worked in i have lost jobs because i refuse therefore am deemed a risk to the others in office who are engaging in this behavior. I am in a minority - i tell you new media is the biggest scandal all workers are coercied. I have had particular problems as i have been deemed 'busy' meaning everyone wants a go... In a weird way she wants to get me under control and has frequently said 'getting over the bridge is the hardest part'...
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Everyone is basically chastising me for not doing it and saying i am abandoning my mother who gave so much for me etc... However is illegal and i have absolutely no desire to do it. Is like i am living in hell...
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
This music video describes the process (excuse the sexuality) but makes an important point...
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Also my fiance will be with me so wont be my mother and i only...but she is capable of making a toxic atmosphere but i can manage that...
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi is this too difficult to answer?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Sorry when i say rape i mean sexual coercion - but people can make it impossible to keep a place in a job or community unless you engage. And once you have crossed the line then you are exposed to a lot of other potential problems...
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Either way is ok if youd prefer not to answer this - but can i get a refund if you dont want to answer?
Expert:  F E Smith replied 1 year ago.

Don’t let’s abandon this just yet. What exactly is it that you want to know about this?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
1. What is the risk of her being able to have me arrested. If say she and others in the family were to point the finger at me for an assault or even sexual assault (which i have never done) would that be enough to get me locked up.I think she wants me come 'out' as in my opinion all men are bi-sexual as they force each other at work etc. I have cut my friends off as i am now so 'late' i cannot stand the sexual overtones. She by and large wants me to come 'out; so i can continue to function. She is right in this sense but i refuse to do it and i have my own income. This has caused me great distress.I believe she wants me to 'fall' become unable to function so i need help and they can rebuild me after destroying me so to speak. This causes my family a lot of distress.My family has money so am worried they could tie me up in litigation and bankrupt me - was is the risk of this?
Also, how should i behave if threatened - should i attempt to record audio (although would be only implied)...
Expert:  F E Smith replied 1 year ago.

The chance is remote unless they fabricate evidence. If you are prosecuted, you are prosecuted and evidence which proves your guilt beyond reasonable doubt and if you haven’t done anything, there cannot be anything other than reasonable doubt or indeed, infinite doubt.

You may be arrested on suspicion and questioned under caution but you are still likely to be released pending police enquiries.

They can’t tie you up in litigation of a criminal nature unless they bring a private criminal prosecution which in all honesty is very difficult and usually not very successful. If the police are not interested in prosecuting, private prosecution is rarely going to succeed.

There is nothing illegal about recording someone’s voice although it’s only admissible in court if it’s in the interest of justice. I can’t see that it would do any harm except that you may find that if the person discovers you have done that, they may take great exception to it. You are only doing it as a way of self-preservation after all.