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Harris, Family Law Expert
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 2851
Experience:  Family Law - Specialist in Divorce, Financial Relief and Children Matters
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Just wondered if someone could help. Me and my husband are

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Hi. Just wondered if someone could help. Me and my husband are going through a terrible time atm. He's got a solicitor involved and talking about divorce. (But that's about all he's said, won't tell me anything else!) I've tried to contact one myself buts she's away until 16th September.
We're currently living together in a rented property with two small children aged 9months and just 3. I'm currently not working and relying on him financial.
I'm so lost and just need clear advice. Can I move out and take the children with me as I can't stay here anymore with it being the way it is. Where do I stand financially and basically what are my options. I don't have a clue where to start with anything.
He's refusing to move out unless I sign a 50:50 custody order. He's trying and saying I'm a bad mother. I know he's telling everyone I am and making accusations aparently to use as evidence against me. Please help

Hi, thank you for your question. Just a bit more information required to fully assist you:
-How old are you both?
-How long have you been married?
-What property, assets and pensions do you both have (both sole and joint), together with values?
-What are your respective incomes?

-Has there been any social services, police involvement or domestic violence?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Harris
Thanks for response. Sorry I know it's a bit garbled. We're both 33/34, been married for 4 years but together and co habit for 11more years previously.
It's a real mess and very long story so you might regret responding!
We sold our uk home last year and moved to Spain, and I sold my business. because he wanted to. I was heavily pregnant with 2nd son at the time. I stopped work prior to selling to move etc. We have property, a house owned outright, but in Spain not uk, that we can't sell atm. Again he's not informing me of any of that either. (Generally just being difficult and controlling tbh)
He was off work while I was pregnant and working With depression but that meant he did "look after" our eldest while I finish up work, ready for our new life in Spain. The arrangement we had was I was going to stay at home with boys arm and he was going to work. Well just went completely wrong pretty much after buying and having baby. We nearly divorced in Spain but decided to move back to uk, again because he wanted too and start again a fresh. Ha.
Again arrangement was me housewife him working. Which is current situation, so I have no income and I'm unsure of his. Alain unsure of his pensions I have none.
I have little money left from sale for business (not much at all 2.5k) as all excess money how now been consume with him not work set up cost, moving etc as he's only just started working and bringing in any money, last 6/8 weeks.
Again no social police etc until recently, as we were meant to be going on family holiday back to Spain to see my parents, my father is also ill atm, sort out our things, house etc some furniture still out there and generally have family holiday and let my parents see there grandson because it was his birthday on 19th.
This is what has caused this. He basically refused to go few days before due to fly, said he wasn't paying for it. I said I would pay for as already paid for it out of my personal money what is left from business sale. He refused and said I couldn't take the children either. Said I might abduct them (even though all of us were due to fly and had return tickets booked too!) so he hide there passports and refused to even show them to me to prove he had them (as I think he actually gave them to my mother in law)
This resulting in him phoning police and saying I've accused his mother of stealing the kids passports. Spoken to police and because he phoned they said it was domestic can't get involved explained law etc but because was domestic were informing social serives as protocol but nothing if any concern.
It is a real mess. Again I'm sorry if any of this isn't clear, I'm a bit all over the place with it all and really don't know what options I have, what to do, where to start. Completely out of my depth.
Many thanks

Thanks. Are you both back in the UK now?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
sorry. Living in rented property atm. Assests in Spain.
Youngest son was born in Spain too but that's it so just uk law I think except property

Does he have any money left from the sale and any other assets?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Nope all gone now except for what he's earning daily and little bit I've got
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Sorry if I'm waffling not sure what information is important or not

Thanks for confirming. If you move out with the children you will need to present to your local authority housing office as homeless and they will assess your application and decide whether they have a duty to assist you or not. If they do, they will likely place you in temporary accommodation initially until somewhere more permanent is found. You will need to apply for the relevant benefits you would be entitled to, including child benefit, tax credits, jobseekers allowance and housing benefit and child maintenance from the father if the children remain with you.

In relation to the children they have a right to a relationship with both of you which can only reasonably be restricted if there are welfare concerns. It would be expected that the children continue to see their father.

In the circumstances I would suggest that you make a referral to an independent mediator (you can find local ones here: The mediator will assist you both in reaching an amicable agreement that is in the children's best interests. If mediation does not help, then you will be able to pursue an application to court under Form C100 together with a £215 court fee to your local family court for a child arrangement order (for the children to live with you) and the court can make a decision regarding the matter. For your information the Court will take into consideration the following when making a decision regarding the application:

1.The wishes and feelings of the child concerned
2. The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs
3. The likely effect on the child if circumstances changed as a result of the courts decision
4. The child’s age, sex, backgrounds and any other characteristics which will be relevant to the court’s decision
5. Any harm the child has suffered or may be at risk of suffering
6. Capability of the child’s parents (or any other person the courts find relevant) at meeting the child’s needs
7. The powers available to the court in the given proceedings

If you have any further questions regarding this please let me know. In the meantime if you found this information helpful please provide a positive rating using the stars at the top of this page. I will not be credited for answering your question without a positive rating. Thank you

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for clarifying a few things.
Could you just be a bit clearer on some of it. The housing situation.
I presume I wouldn't have to be declared homeless if I didn't have too as is this not detriment to my abilities for being able to look after my children if I did this? Am I not better using my savings to rent privately?
As with regards ***** ***** if mediation does not work, is that for official paperwork if you like as the children would already be living with me, or would this be to open to debate and would including rulings etc.
Would moving out with the children effect my custody in anyway negatively?
And sorry just one final thing. My eldest is just turned 3! Would they ask him who he wanted to live with surely he's too young for that decision and pressure

It will not impact you in anyway if you present as homeless - the local authority will investigate the reasons for the homelessness and as long as you are eligible they will assist you - it would be easier for you to go down this route than to spend your limited savings. In any event it is likely that the deposit for any private tenancy will use up your savings.

The C100 is for child arrangements and who the children live with and what time they spend with each person. Once an application is submitted the court allocates a CAFCASS officer to speak to both of you and do background checks with social services and police, and then make recommendations to court. Given the ages of the children, they are too young for their views to be given to the court.

Harris and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Many thanks Harris for all you time and patience. Things seem bit less daunting now

No worries, I hope it goes well. If you have any questions in the future you can ask for me directly by starting your question For Harris