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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34885
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My daughter has constant trouble with the father of her son

Customer Question

My daughter has constant trouble with the father of her son who is controlling and bullying. He is very difficult where the boy is concerned. The court order states he has him every Tuesday and Wednesday and alternate weekends but of course this flexible if both parties agree. The father never agrees unless it suits him. Two weekends ago my daughter had him when it was the father's weekend because she was going to a wedding. Last weekend the father had him as they were on holiday and it was technically my daughters weekend. She has been away for him for 8 days and he is only 2 so she hoped that this weekend she could have him. The father said "no its his weekend". My daughter asked him to compromise and they have one day each but the father will not agree and says if he is not here on Saturday then she is in breach of the court order and he will contact his solicitor. How does she stand on this. He is a very bullying controlling man and wants his own way all the time. He is now angry with me for standing up for her and yet his girlfriend stands at the door intimidating my daughter
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

For clarity they swapped weekends for the convenience of each of them and now the father wants to stick to the proper pattern and your daughter would prefer to reset it is that correct?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
They very rarely swap weekends. The dad had a holiday with his girlfriend earlier this year and so missed his weekend. My daughter asked if he wanted him the following weekend instead and he said no (he obviously had plans). Two weekends ago my daughter asked is she could have him because we were going to a wedding (it was technically the dads weekend). Last weekend was my daughters weekend but the dad took him on holiday. So they just swapped as you said because it suited them both. My daughter has missed him dreadfully as you can imagine and assumed the dad would let her have him this weekend. When he said no she was really upset and asked if he could compromise to which is blatantly refused and threatened her with solicitors. We have had numerous solicitors letters. The court order states that the terms are flexible but the father will never be flexible unless it suits him.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Where is the child now?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He is with us. We picked him up this afternoon after 8 days with his father and girlfriend on holiday
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

So he is back with his mum?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
my daughter and grandson live with me
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

I am afraid that there is no basis on which her ex will ever be flexible so your daughter did well to ensure that she had her son for the wedding and she should leave it at that.

If her ex asks for a change then she needs to workout if it works for her and the child and answer accordingly

Apart from that she should stick to the settled pattern - I appreciate that this is not what you wish to hear and of course your daughter could simply keep her child this weekend - there is little that the court would do other than give your daughter a stern warning - but frankly this is not something your daughter would like and it is pointless to play into his hands

Please ask if you need further details

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It is so tough. He has made my daughter's life a misery since she was pregnant and he decided he didn't want her to have it. Now he is trying to take over our lives. He is very clever but nasty. Luckily for us we have written evidence from the doctors surgery that he was rude and abusive to them so we know its not just us. She is not going to keep their son all weekend. She just asked that they compromise and share.
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

i am so very sorry but this man will not change his ways.

He cannot take over her life unless she lets him

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I hope not but he clearly is trying very to do so and he is a 6'4" intimidating man who seems to have got his own way all his life and is trying to do the same with her. He has taken her to court 3 times already
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

I know - but if she stays calm and simply works around the contact times she will win