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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 34910
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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My ex is being abusive again. I have refused him access to

Customer Question

My ex is being abusive again. I have refused him access to our son because I feel he is destructive and in no way considering the needs of the child.
He was due to see my son for half of holidays (half term)
I wrote to him informing him if the things our son wants to do whilst with him and if he could complete some important homework with him.My son is normally due back at 4pm on a Sunday .
As per court order.He refuses to bring my son back until Monday 10 amThis was an error in our schedule stating that he needed to bring our son back on Monday 10 am. He's in school on Monday do has to be back on Sunday.It's also Diwali like Christmas and my son wants to celebrate with me too
I asked dad to bring our son back at 2pm this Sunday and he refused as he has family plans.As a compromise I asked if I had my son on Saturday to celebrate then with him and dad can have Sunday. Dad refusesMy son now refuses to see his dad aged 7 as he wants to be st home with his mum and have his friends over for DiwaliMy ex is now threatening court actionYesterday he came to my door and punched the door for nearly 20 minutes.
I had to call the police because I was terrifiedI had a client with me who withnessed this.I managed to keep my son upstairs and he is unaware of what's been going on.My fear is that dad us exposing our son to harmful behaviours and I'm not sure what to do.After being in court over hold matters twice. The judge said that if I feel contact is not in Jayden's best interest then I can refuse contact.I'm only protecting my son
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Family Law
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your question

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

How old is the child and what Court Order is currently in place?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
hes 7 years old and we have an arrangement order.
Child stays with me as resident parent
Contact with dad every Wednesday, 2 weekends a month and half the holidays.We have had issues with my ex for 2 years non. Separated due to violence.
His conduct is consistent.There is no compromise or resolution focus and currently he is angry cos we are in final stages of finances for our divorce.I find him harassing me, threatening me to make decisions that are not in the child's best interest and being controlling.Yesterday he was too angry and was banging the door down. He was in no fit state to have our son.My son does not want to go to him now as he wants to be with me on Sunday.
I told my son we will cancel our plans and he can go to his dad. My son refused and said he wont go and I cannot force him.What do I do?
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Is there actually a Court Order setting out the Contact that the father should have?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
there is. as mentioned above.However. I have been informed that if the dad is abusive, under the influence of alcohol or drugs. (He had a undertaking to the court), or contact harmful to the child or the child refusing (yet I am encouraging contact), then I have the right as resident parent to do whats best for the child
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

Who mentioned the last two (the first two are unarguable!)

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
the Judge in our last hearing.I was having issues wuth the dad for exposing the child to conflict and adult conversation. About our futures, and conflict from his family. My son was returning home upset. It was affecting him at school and he was unable to sleep, bed wetting etc.The Judge said i i feel that theres any concerns or contact is not in Jayden's best interest I can refuse contact.Obviously within reason.But yesterday dad was angry banging on my door, swearing me. It was no time for my son to be with him. I asked him to cool down and let talk later and he refused to leave
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.


The banging on the door is not acceptable and is an excellent reason to suspend contact today.

However it is not for you to tell him what to do when the child is with him - be it an activity or homework - it is for his father to decide what they do together

Equally the issue of Diwali should have been addressed with the court - if he will not agree the change then you need to apply to the court for an urgent change to the system - you cannot simply change it because you wish to

Equally I am sorry - but a 7 year old does not dictate when he has contact anymore than he dictates whether he goes to the Dentist or to school

So if your ex had behaved properly then contact shoudl have gone ahead this weekend HOWEVER since instead he showed aggression which frightened you both it is reasonable for you to inform him that contact will be suspended this week to give everything a chance to calm down and will resume on the next scheduled date PROVIDED that there is no repeat of his behaviour

I hope that this is of assistance - please ask if you need further details

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I understand what you are saying.I believe that dad is only acting out because of whats going on with finances.I maintain I have been reasonable and offered solutions being resolution focused and dad is not willing to compromise.Likewise I had to rearrange all my plans to accommodate this last minute change to do whats best for the child.My son was expecting to come home on Sunday and refuses to go beause his dad says he is not.
This arrangement is out of the court order as it is clear that my son is to return at 4pm on a sunday when with dad.If dad is refusing to conform, am i really supposed to send my child to him.
That's why the child does not want to go....Is contact about the father's need or child's needAnd of course the banging on the door and went on until the police arrived, whilst I had a client with me and working is unacceptable.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
also How can i stop my ex from affecting me like thisis there a way to get an injunction?it's been 2 years too long and this is about the 4th time this senario has occurred
Expert:  Clare replied 1 year ago.

What happened the time before this one?