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Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 35088
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
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Dear Clare, At her 10th birthday sleepover, my daughter L

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Dear Clare,
At her 10th birthday sleepover, my daughter L suggested she and her girlfriends look up Sex on the internet. She had just got a new laptop that day which didn't yet have parental controls set up. The next day a mother of one of the girsl complained and since hasn't spoken to me. L claims it was not her who did it, but the girl. I asked L if she had also looked at sex on her mobile phone and that I could find out if she had. She said she had and was sorry and terribly worried I would tell her father. You know the history which is why I am writing to you.Should I be worried? I am worried. I didn't want to ask the social worker who was involved as this could be innocent. I don't want L to feel she has done anything bad, I have just warned her of the dangers and said I won't tell her father for now. She has not asked to use her new laptop at all. i have made an appointment to see the school welfare officer. I am nervous about mentioning the history as I don't know if there is a clear link and I don't want to influence the welfare officer's opinion on whether there is anything to worry about. I don't know if this is normal behaviour. My mother's main concern is that something could still be happening with her Dad.Thank you

Hi again

Ah the joys of motherhood.

This is actually normal behaviour in this day and age - I was only listening to a programme about it on Radio 4 this morning


Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Wow - fast response. That's good as I see the welfare officer tomorrow. I have not mentioned the nasty business of the past to the welfare officer. I will approach this by not mentioning the past at all and just asking her the same question as I have asked you - whether I should be worried. And no doubt she will give me the same answer as you. I can't cancel now and think I should still go ahead out of politeness, and mention what happened but not mention the past. I believe she is already aware as the little girl who told on L, and whose mother blanks me now, went to the same welfare officer because she was scared by L's behaviour at the sleepover. OK?

It is best to go ahead simply because there was another child involved

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Right, OK, will do. Thank you and thank you so much for the fast response!

NO problem - I hope the meeting goes well

I am back and can respond to your last query if you wish!

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
please Clare. Desperate to know if I need to do something to prevent F discussing and possibly encouraging my daughter aged 10 to attend a school in the city where he lives, 15 miles away from me where she lives 5/7 nights of the week.

There is no basis on which the court would make a PSO about discussing a change of school - I am sorry but it would be seen as evidence of your trying to control his relationship with your daughter - and he would no doubt present you to your daughter in the same way - and frankly she would believe him.

I suggested that you go to the school open day so that your daughter can see that you will not simply refuse to consider it - but you will show her how much she has to lose

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Dear Clare,
Before, you wrote to me: "The simple starting point is that since no change of school is currently necessary then if her father wishes to force a change of school he will have to apply to the Court for a Specific Issue Order."
Now you write that no court would consider a PSO and thank you for letting me know. I don't understand the difference between the two orders. But I can't relate to your advice about attending the school open evening - because I don't feel right being seen to be supporting a move that would mean she had to leave her home with her mother and live with her father instead, aged 10. Please explain.

A Specific Issue Order is about making something happen - a change of school for instance

A Prohibited Steps Order stops something happening - taking the child abroad for instance

The courts will Not make a PSO to stop your ex TALKING to your daughter about a change of school - which is what you suggested asking for.

Attending the open evening is NOT supporting the move.

It is showing your daughter that you are willing to respect her wish to investigate the possibility and are not simply over ruling her

It will also help to understand that such decisions have serious consequences and that all sides need to be considered properly

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Ok. Can I just check I understand your advice? : I go along with it, to help her. But if circumstances transpire that she seriously wants to go there and he has enabled it, I tell him he needs an SIO to proceed and in the meantime I prevent the move - until he has addressed a court? Thanks


And not so much "go along with it" as show that you are willing to consider matters with HER - and help her make serious decisions.

One point you will wish to make is that first she needs to spend more time with her father (living with and visiting at weekends are very different things)

Clare and other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
That is great advice and I understand now. Thank you so much and I am glad you are back!