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Harris, Family Law Expert
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 2851
Experience:  Family Law - Specialist in Divorce, Financial Relief and Children Matters
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I am divorcing my husband for his adultery. He has admitted

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I am divorcing my husband for his adultery. He has admitted it on his Acknowledgment, but he is refusing to pay the court fee by claiming that I forced him into having an affair and leaving me due to my "unreasonable behaviour". He is claiming I was "volatile and violent" throughout our 27 year marriage. I wasn't, and thought we had a strong, loving marriage right up until the minute he made his announcement and left. We did argue, but not often, and sometimes it involved both of us shouting, but the only time I ever hit him was on Christmas Day evening 2015 after a whole afternoon of him provoking me with put downs and taunts aftre he came out of his study in a foul mood. I eventually snapped at about 9 or 10pm and slapped him in the face. Not hard, and he jumped back, and I burst into tears and felt so guilty afterwards. We chatted about it, and I thought we made up, but he never let me forget this incident and kept raising it. I now know that he was having an affair and had been communicating with his other woman during the morning. In the weeks before he left me he had some large bruises on his body and said he wasn't feeling well. When I asked him about the bruises each time he said he didn't know how he got them. I was very worried about his health thinking he may have an illness. I privately emailed his friend to ask if my husband had told him he was ill, and I genuinely thought when he started his announcement "Amanda, I have something to tell you..." that he was going to tell me he had a terminal illness. I am stunned that since he left me he is claiming I continuously physically abused him. In the week before he left me we again had a big argument that started in the morning with him making a lot of random nasty comments to me. I was under a lot of pressure with deadlines and my belief that my memory was failing and that I was responsible for our low income. I then went to my studio to work and later came back to the house and my husband was sitting on the sofa with his coat on. I asked him why, and he said just because he wanted to. He then started talking to me in a manner where he was really choosing and enunciating his words, saying that he wants my behaviour to stop, that I am hurting him, that I am a bully, and that I hit him. I responded saying I am not like that. That I was sick of being blamed for everything. It escalated because i couldn't understand why he was talking to me that way. I shouted at him, and I think I said something along the lines of: I don't care anymore, that he deserves everything he gets, and that he is the only bully in our household. I can't remember exactly what I said. I stormed off upstairs. I was crying in the bedroom and he came and brought me a cup of tea and we chatted about it and then he acted as if nothing had happened. He has asked for a court hearing for our decree nisi. I now suspect, because of his unusual behaviour at the time, that he recorded that argument and intends to use it in court and maybe photos of the mysterious injuries. He was clearly telling the woman he was having an affair with that I was a violent wife, as she has told other people that. I was under a lot of pressure at the time because he actually convinced me over a period of the three years of his affair that my memory was failing in order to cover up his affair and the fact he was taking my earnings and creating lots of debt in our joint names (I have medical test results stating my memory is fine, and accounts evidence of his theft). It has been an absolutely horrendous year for me. I've been so traumatised by what my husband has done to me, and on the day he left it was like a switch was flipped on his personality and he instantly changed from the kind, honest man I thought I knew into a cruel man who is doing everything he can to derail our divorce and continue to treat me badly. He is an extremely convincing liar, and also clearly a very good actor. He is a professional writer and performer, so good with words and public speaking. I am so worried that he has set me up to appear that I was violent towards him to cover up what he was doing to me, and 'win' against me in our divorce. It seems like he had been carefully planning all of this for months, unknown to me. I am frightened about this potential recording. Please can you tell me if this recording, if it exists, can it be used as evidence against me in Family Court for our divorce, even though I didn't know I was being recorded and it would be out of context of what else occurred that day? If so, is there some sort of injunction I can take out against him to stop him using it? My own solicitor says she doesn't know and to just wait and see what happens, but I am so stressed I don't want to have to do that. I know my case sounds weird, but this is what has happened to me and it's been awful. Thank you, Amanda.

Hi, thank you for your question. As part of the divorce the courts will only be considering whether the marriage has broken down based on the ground you applied for. As it is adultery he either needs to admit adultery or you need to prove it. Otherwise you will need to apply under his unreasonable behaviour. His recording may be referred to if he pursues a divorce petition himself, but it will not be used against you as the courts will only be assessing whether the marriage has broken down or not.

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