How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Family Solicitor
Category: Family Law
Satisfied Customers: 35574
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practise since 1985 and have specialised in Family Law for the last 10 years
Type Your Family Law Question Here...
Clare is online now

My brother and Daughter has taking control of my elderly mum

This answer was rated:

My brother and Daughter has taking control of my elderly mum They’ve moved her into a care home near them They refuse to tell members of the family where she was until they sorted out a new will and power-of-attorney over her money and property and alienating the care home against the rest of the family making it difficult for us to talk to our mum we all live more than two hours away so we rely on the phone they either take her away from the phone but taking her out or downstairs they are always there when we phone her on her room phone and the her hearing is not very good so we can’t get to talk to her very often her mental state is poor she fades in and out of jibber jabber And the care home refuses to talk to anybody other then my brother and his daughter were finding the whole situation very stressful what can we do my brother says the house that he’s just sold for my mum is his and he gets a bigger share in the will we are not concerned what happens after mum goes we just concerned with him putting his hand in his pocket and spending mums money on her he seems to be holding back on spending money because there be more left for him at the end of the day we just want mum to be happy in her last few years of her life she’s got heart Phalia and a lot more problems we know she’s not going to be here for very long but we want her to be comfortable until that day comes She seems to feel like she spending my brothers money not hers we have been to social services with this problem but they’re not really interested because mum seems to be ok with all the decision my Brother is making but we feel that my brother is influencing her decisions by making a big deal about the money that is being spent elderly people don’t like to spend money and they are really shocked about the price of things and he’s playing on this she needs her dentures fixed because they’ve got a crack and they are pinching her she needs her eyesight done she’s got Cataracs that need doing and her hearing needs sorting she needs a new wheelchair the one she got is far too big for her and very uncomfortable She’s just come out of hospital she got separatists After a infection As a family we do not know what to do with this situation we are in and it’s making me and my sister very ill with worry please advise us what we can do if anything Thank you so much for your time

My name is Clare

I shall do my best to help you but I need some further information first

Just for clarity - your brother holds a Lasting Power of Attorney for your mother?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
for For financial and property only

Not for Health and Welfare?

have you actually visited the home?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Clare he as lasting power of attorney for my mum but not health and welfare and refuses any contact at all with the rest of the family we thought of applying for it but since he has no contact with us we can’t arrange anything like that Social services said we have to arrange it with my brother and mum So we are blocked there as well Kind regards Julie
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I have visited the care home 5or 6 Times it takes Five hours to get there and back

How did the staff treat you when you were there?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
They phoned my brother to tell him that I was there and he was there with in about 30 minutes and he wasn’t very nice to me and my mum look scared

Did you ask them why they had done that?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I asked my mum if she had Tony’s phone number so I can contact him and talking about situation She said he was shy always has been doesn’t like talking to people I said I need to know more about your health and the situation as it is now and if He needs any help She said she didn’t understand why I didn’t have his number I said I’ve been asking but he wouldn’t give it to me the lady from the care home come in and said what’s the matter I said she’s upset I don’t have my brothers number She asked my mum if it’s okay she shows me the folder with her details she said she didn’t mind and off the lady went to get the folder and why she was away she phoned My Bother and he come up he was very angry that mum was upset about me not having he’s phone number I give him a hug and said it’s been a long time he said I was a stranger to him he doesn’t know who I am and he didn’t see why he should give me his number he said if he talks to me he will have two talk to my brother and then talk to the rest the family and he didn’t want to talk to anybody And he said I’m here now so what do you want I said I wanted to know what was actually wrong with mum I wanted to know what medication she was taking and I said I wanted to know if you needed any help sorting out the house because I knew he had to sell it because mum had a conversation with me the time before this I went up to the care home she said her she was confused about what was going on she said solicitor I’ve been to see her at the care home but she did not understand any of it and it went over ahead but she was waiting on a letter from the solicitor so she could read it so she could see if it was all ok and exactly how she wanted it to be so he said that’s funny she never mentioned any of this to me I was told your full on I said this is not full on Tony I just need to know some answers I haven’t seen mum for long long time and now she needs me I’m here so I need to know what I can do in the situation he then said well the house is mine she’s given me the house isn’t that right mum and he said I should get the biggest share because the house is mine and the rest is going to be divine And if something happens to us then the goes to their children anything else oh yes a health she’s had heart Phalia and she’d need and operation but she wouldn’t make it through the operation they said so they’re not going to do that I recorded my mum When she was telling me and my husband that she didn’t understand any of the paperwork from the solicitorThat she sign I also recorded the Conversation with my brother he seem to think I wanted to take the situation over but I was just trying to get the answers to the questions my mum was asking me the previous time we was there I know this is hard for you to answer the question but is there anybody we could talk to about this situation it must’ve happened before surely we can talk to somebody about this I know I will have to go over this In fine detail but I need to know who do I talk to that is not going to cost me the Earth I just haven’t got it and I just want the best for my mum at the end of the it’s her money and I feel that she needs it now kind regards ***** *****

Do you now have his number or is it still withheld from you

Have you spoken to the home since this visit?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
No I still have no number for Tony the care home said they can only give it to me if Tony says they can and the care home will only deal with Mandy or Tony My mum phoned my aunt Pam today she was crying she said she’s really lonely nobody comes to see her but the care home make us feel unwelcome and the freephone they say that we upset her Mandy used to work at the care home and my brother and his daughter know the care home Staff personally they gave us a time for us to phone to talk to mum in a room but when we phone Mandy is always there with her other than that they moved downstairs away from the phone they said there’s only one phone and they can’t use it because just in case doctors want to phone them so they can’t pass the phone to mum when she’s downstairs so they told the family if you phone 6 o’clock then we will then tell you what time is best to phone back but as I say every time Mandy is there the Office is next door to mums bedroom And they said I have heard one of your sisters asking your mum question after question but the thing is we can’t get any answers from anybody so were going to ask questions but they make us feel guilty that we asking questions it’s really not nice to know that your mum is crying and she’s lonely and she got nobody to talk to when we all want to talk to her but we can’t because they make it so difficult for us to do that surely they set or against this she thinks nobody cares about her they should be reassuring her that we do but they’re not she thinks all she’s got is them and when it’s nice weather they don’t bother going to see her because they’re busy with their own families and she left Because she was upset today I was try to see her on Monday but it’s a 2 1/2 hour journey there and A 2 1/2 Journey back
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Sorry I said my mum phoned my mum doesn’t use the phone she can’t use the phone My aunt Pam phoned my mum and she got upset and she was crying saying she was lonely
Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I’m so upset right now I am my aunt Pam Phoned my mum yesterday my mum was crying and saying she was lonely so my aunt Pam said perhaps we can arrange for you to come here for holiday or something my aunt Pam would never upset my mum in any way since my aunt Pam put down the phone there was a phone call back it was one of the carers and they said who is it my aunt Pam said it’s time so then she said to my mum it’s time on the phone and handed it to my mum they took for a little bit longer and then they said goodbye I think Mike phoned back to see who was on the phone to see who it upset my mum because today when I phoned to see if my mum was okay I said I heard that she was upset yesterday so phoning to see if she’s ok I said had been phoning her room number but there’s no answer is she in a room they said no they had to put the downstairs because she’s been disruptive she’s throwing things and banging on the table so I said oh no what’s the matter with her they said she is being very disruptive and then waiting for the doctor to come in because the family keeps upsetting her and I said who Tony are meant to keep upsetting and she said no the family I said are you insinuating that it’s a family that live along way away phoning up and upsetting mum I said had been phoning her room number but there’s no answer is she in a room they said no they had to put it downstairs because she’s being disruptive she’s throwing things and banging on the table so I said oh no what’s the matter with her they said she is being very disruptive and then waiting for the doctor to come in because the family keeps upsetting her I said who Tony are meant to keep upsetting and she said no the family I said are you insinuating that it’s a family that live along way away phoning up and upsetting mum she said yes she always gets upset when she talks to the family I said well I hope she talks the doctor until him what the problem is and then we can sort this she said Jess was will have to put a ban on the family phone in and I can put a block on family visiting what is going on here I’m so upset I know my aunt Pam would never upset my mum in any way she was only trying to make my mum feel better she didn’t know what else to do since my mum was crying them to give her something to look forward to I’m so upset I don’t know what please help me and put me in the right direction thank you !!!!

Is your niece friends with the staff; the management or the owners of the home?

When was its last Ofsted?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
she is both she is friends with staff and she is friends with the manager she used to work there for awhile the manager used to be the owner but she sold the home and stayed on as the manager I think the last check was 2015 I think they’re due for another one soon they have also refused to put mum on the phone twice now one for me and one for my sister I’m going to try again tomorrow

Does your mother still have mental capacity?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Only until June when they give her results for her brain scan they said until then until they tell her the results

Would she agree to give you a Health and Welfare Power of Attorney do you think?

Customer: replied 10 months ago.
Under normal circumstances yes but she is under the influence of my brother and hes daughter and now they have her on antidepressants and other medication which makes her very drowsy So I would like to asker her don’t want her to say yes to anything she doesn’t want to so I will have to ask her when her head is more clear me and my sister are travelling to see her on the 20th of May But when we go with got no guarantee she will be in a fit state to talk to us with these drugs in her system they said she been put on antidepressants because the family have been upsetting her the only thing that is upsetting her if she can’t hear us on the phone Her hearing is very poor and she gets frustrated she can’t talk to us and because we are so far away we can’t go to see her very often bless her she’s getting more and more upset the longer she is away from us so now they’ve put her on antidepressants and medication to calm her down I am going to speak to solicitor tomorrow I can’t wait any longer but thank you so much for your time ��❤️Xx

Your options are sadly limited.

You can certainly report your concern to social service s- but they are overstretched and are unlikely to look further than the surface.

The second option is a formal complaint to the owners of the home detailing your concerns about the behaviour of the Manager.

Another option is the Health and Welfare Power

You can also consider reporting your concerns about your Brother to the Office of the Public Guardian in terms of potential abuse of his power of attorney

I am sorry that the options are not more positive

Clare and 3 other Family Law Specialists are ready to help you