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Those pensions are very far apart so I would definitely be asking for an order to share her pension.
Yes, if the funds were received and used during the marriage, they can be considered as "matrimonial" for the purposes of the "pot", which the court will consider which comprises cash, assets, pensions, etc.
All of those arguments are taken in to account, yes. A lot of it comes down to negotiation and the more you can agree before the divorce, the better. However, you can issue financial remedy proceedings and I would recommend that if she does not offer more realistic settlement proposals - bear in mind the starting point is 50% for the court.
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If you have a share of the house but the children were to live with her, the house would very unlikely be sold until the children and the youngest reaches the age of 18 before an order for sale would take place. Yes, you have parental responsibility so should see the kids as much as possible. You could stay near the children - it would be in their best interests. You should ask for at least 50% and say to her you need that at least to address your financial needs going forward. It is all well and good for her to say that and make those comments but they are unrealistic from my reading of the situation.