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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: General
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Me and boyfriend both have extreme anxiety in relationships.

Customer Question

Me and boyfriend both have extreme anxiety in relationships. He is always reading between the lines and feeling that im not genuine (trying to get one over on him) im my intentions and feelings and honesty for him. This is not through anything i do, but years of behaving this way. This feels him with insecurity and makes him withdraw. I feel that im not good enough for him and worry about us all the time leading to me being anxious and insecure. We both have struggle with these issues in every relationship we have ever had. Both of us are petrified of letting are guards down to the point of out of control anxiety, resulting in us falling apart. we have been together for 6 months, i ma 32 he 34. please help as we split up this morn, but didnt want to as we care deeply for each other, but it just seem's impossible. We are both caring good people. Very succesfull and have lots of family and friends. Both of us have anxiety related depression, controlled by small does anti-d's. please help
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

Your biggest problem is your inability to communicate on the verbal level and your mutual insistence in believing that this is the most important form of communication - the intellectual.

In reality it is the emotional level that counts and that is why you both feel terrible about this "break up".

I suggest two things:

One, is to make a date to spend the time together in ABSOLUTE SILENCE. Perhaps spend the night together. Being in total darkness will also help a great deal. Just hold and touch but say nothing and remain in darkness. Let the emotional and tactile senses take control and just feel and sense each other without any intellectual intervention (barriers).

I also urge you to purchase this book and read about what it really takes to make a relationship work.

The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman


The above link is for and will take you directly to that book.


I believe that you can make this work.


I shall keep you both in my prayers.


Warm regards,