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Cher, Teacher
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I have just find out my 2 and half years boyfriend I leave

Customer Question

I have just find out my 2 and half years boyfriend I leave with visited hustler club last Saturday with friend. What to do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: General
Expert:  Cher replied 4 years ago.

Hello Olja and welcome to Just Answer.

My name is XXXXX XXXXX it will be my pleasure to be of help to you in this difficult situation.

First, if you don't mind, I have a few questions for you, that will help me to send you the best answer.

Does your boyfriend ever give you a reason to suspect that he is cheating on you?

What happened when he brought his friend home in the early hours of the morning? Did the friend sleep at your house?

What was said by both of you when you discussed this with him in the past?

Thanks for all your additional information.

Expert:  Cher replied 4 years ago.
Hi again, Olja.

I see that you are presently offline, so I will send my answer now, and if you have any additional questions after reading it, please just click "Reply", begin your reply with "For Cher" and I will answer as soon as possible. We may not be online at the same time because we are in different time zones.

It sounds from your description, like you and your boyfriend have a very loving and happy relationship and that's wonderful! The fact that you are planning to buy your first home is proof that he is not going anywhere--he loves you very much and wants to continue your relationship.

While I completely understand you being upset that he went to the Hustler Club with his friend on Saturday night, if he didn't cheat on you with another woman, he was just 'blowing off steam' as most men will, and if he enjoys this, it should be okay once in a while, as long as he behaves himself.

If this has been a problem in the past, which was the impression I got from your question, and you've discussed it and thought the discussion went well, I don't blame you for being upset and angry that he went to this club on Saturday. The fact that when he goes there he gets drunk, is of concern. When a man (or anyone) is drunk, he might do something he ordinarily wouldn't do when he's sober. Of course, it's also bad for his health if he drinks on a steady basis.

Ask him very calmly, why he felt the need to go to the club on Saturday and if it was his idea or his friend's idea. Tell him once again (calmly--no fighting, accusation or confrontation) that you would prefer he didn't go there because it bothers you and you don't like to see him drunk; you're concerned for his health when he drinks.

If he doesn't go to this club on a steady basis, that's good. Do you think he would mind if you went to club for ladies, which is similar to this club, to have a drink with your friends on a Saturday night? Maybe what he needs is a little dose of 'realism' and to see that you are allowed to do something that you enjoy, as well as he does. If you have any friends that would be interested in going to such a club with you on a Saturday night, do it! Just say, "We're having a girls' night out." If you would prefer not to go to such a club, go anywhere else you and your friends will enjoy.

I would only do this if he tries to justify why he went to the club and/or fights with you about it, saying he can go wherever he likes. When the shoe is on the other foot, I don't think he'll like it too much and your point will be made!

I also think, at this time in your relationship, it might be a good idea to attend some couples counseling sessions. There, you can air your differences and get the input of an experienced professional counselor/theraist.

I hope all goes well with you two from now on!

If you need any additional information or clarification, simply 'Reply' back before rating and I will be happy to help with any follow up questions. If my response has satisfied all your concerns, a positive rating and positive feedback on the survey would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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Warmest regards,