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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34908
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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Have lost custudy of my kids to my ex husband due to problems

Customer Question

Have lost custudy of my kids to my ex husband due to problems I had, my ex willing to change court order as he knows it was incorrect but social services unhappy we are getting on, not sure where I stand legally?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  James Mather replied 5 years ago.
Do you have a specific question?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I have in my possession a very daming (I feel to me) court order saying i am unable to see my kids unless my ex allows me to as I didn't attend court to defend myself as I was unwell. Social Services got lots of facts about me wrong and I have since explained my postion to my ex who now agrees the court order was unfair. My ex would like to ammend the court order so I can see the kids however Social Services are telling my ex I am not allowed to see them because I neglected them (which is untrue and my ex knows this). My question being, can my ex change the court order to allow me residency (as he has it) or visitation rights or will Social Services challenge this as they also keep threatening my ex they will take the children away. Can we change the order by going to court ourselves or will Social Services challange my ex's decision? Thanks

Expert:  James Mather replied 5 years ago.
Can we have full background please?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Lived with ex for over 10 years, had 2 kids, then split up 6 years ago and i met another guy and had the kids. My ex hates my new partner and accused him of being violent which he could be and so this all went towards my case. Kids are happy with both parents but unsure where to go from here, don't know whether to continue with full custudy battle or just go for joint custody?

Expert:  James Mather replied 5 years ago.

need the full background please as to why your ex was awarded full custody/residence.

you saying that he is now agreeable to joint residence?

has been the main carer of the child until now?

we please have the timescale of who the children have lived with?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

He was awared custody by pure fluke as i didn't turn upto court 3 times as I was ill for over a year and social services produced a report failing to explain those reasons and it wasn't until after the hospital told me what was wrong with me and the kids (as they were sick to) that the social services should have retracted that report. At the time my ex was mad with me as he hadn't seen the kids for ages as my new partner didn't want him at the house so the kids didn't see him and didn't even want to whilst they were so ill.

My ex will now agree to joint custody but only if I go back to him and leave my current partner!


I have been their main carer all their life - they are 14 and 11. They have been with my ex for 6 weeks now

Expert:  James Mather replied 5 years ago.

Can we have a background with regarding the illness of you and the children please?

Does this have any relevance?

We need the full background please, not in dribs and drabs.

Who do the children went to live with? was this established in the CAFCASS report ?

Thank you

Customer: replied 5 years ago.


Our family illness began at the end of 2011, contined throughout 2012 and came to an end when we were all finally admitted to hospital in Oct 2012. We have severe eczema and asthma and somehow (probably via the hospita) contracted MRSA where I was told I was dying by the hospital staff later on). The reason it is relevant to the case is that my ex was pursuing a private residency order to have the kids live with him at the time as he wasn't seeing them - this just happened to co-incide with my being ill and not turning upto court. The last time i was supposed to go to court, I did write to them as I had just been released from hospital and explained myself but they wrote back to say they hadn't received the letter in time and i needed to appeal. (I haven't done so yet).


I have no idea who the children want to live with but i should image it's both of us and they (the kids) don't want to live with my ex either as they have since explained to me. The CAFCASS report does not state who the children want to live with and the social worker lied at the time as my children told him they wanted to be with me, but didn't put this in the report and my children have since said they would be happy to tell this to a court. However I don't want to drag them into anything and they love their dad and that's all good. However I do want the court order changed as I said previously, social services should never have submitted a report saying, I didn't send my kids to school because I was ill (and no body in my town knew what was wrong with me) and it wasn't until I was admitted to hospital that anybody belived we were seriously ill, but now social services are trying to sweep this matter all under the carpet like it isn't important but it is. My doctor and the hospital have been very supportive but unsure where to go from here.


My ex is willing to help me but feels bullied by social services to let the children return to me - just want the order changed without hassle from social services. The kids have a "Child In Need" care order on them.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Other.
Sorry my gentleman solicitor(very helpful) is off line I think as I had to go and so question imcomplete and happy to talk with another solicitor - Thanks
Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
Are social services still actively involved with the children?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi Claire - thanks for coming back to me. Yes I think the caseworker is, at first he was assigned to me but I didn't get on with him after a while but only because he said I was lying about mine and the children being ill and I wasn't. He is now assigned to my ex and he has told him quite bluntley we should never get back together and I can not live with him for some reason, i have no problem with social services by the way, it's just him and also because my ex lives in another town he was told he would be assigned a new social worker which hasn't actually happened yet. Because the children are under a Child In Need Care Plan from what I understand from research on the internet (?) this should lessen in time.

Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
Have you personally spoken to Social Services about what contact you should have?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi seem to have problem with getting an answer from your service as not at my pc all the while.

The answer to the question is no I haven't spoken directly to social services as my ex's court order clearly states he can let me see the children whenever he wants until I go back into court, so I'm okay with that but yet still the guy at social services is telling my ex he doesn't want me around. Sounds unprofessional to me? What do you think?

Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
The reason I asked this is straightforward - you need to be sure whether or not it IS Social Services who have a problem - in which case you do need to deal with it as if they stick by that then you will need to deal with this directly with Social Services - and not with your ex.
Of course the other option is that your ex is using this as an excuse to persuade you to return to him.
Since Social Services remain involved in overseeing the children's care I am afraid it is they who you need to discuss the problems with notwithstanding the Order.