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Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 34897
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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I am now divorced from my husband,we had four children together,9

Customer Question

I am now divorced from my husband,we had four children together,9 years ago i found out he was having an affair in kabul Afghanistan where he worked.We went 70/30 on our assets ,mainly as I wanted my inheritance back my parents had left me ,I had invested it into our house,at the time he was living with the other woman,obviously without me knowing.
So in my eyes it was 50/50..not enough to buy a house to look after my four sons I rented.
I have now found a new partner,and have asked my ex husband over the last few years to play a joint responsibility with our sons to allow me to have some time in my relationship.
He says he has to work away still in kabul to afford to pay me maintenance,but since then he has had another child with this woman who lives in Finland,and spends time with her in finland.
I have told him I am fine with a lower maintenance ,but really want him to take joint responsibility ,he just wont and he will come to see them every 6 weeks for 1 week.
I feel it is very selfish of him ,and I know his partner would never accept to have our sons jointly,at the moment I have sole responsibility of them with my partner.
They are now 22 yrs ,19 years and twins of 16 yrs,so yes they now arent young children,but still I have to work and care for them and maintain a relationship which i find all too much, and I have done since he started to work away,10 years ago.
If he wont take joint responsibility is there anything I can do ?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for using JustAnswer. My name is Claire, I will do whatever I can to answer your question.
What do you actually wish him to do?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

As I said I Would like him to take joint responsibility in the care of our sons,if not joint then at least every other weekend and an evening once a week ,is it so unreasonable of me to ask this? should I have to work and have the worry and stress and responsibility of our 4 sons ,whilst he can have a relationship with another woman and child without the caring of his sons ?

Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
I am so very sorry.
The two elder children are out of equation in any event
With the younger two there is a three fold problem - there is no order that can force your ex to have the twins to stay with him; no contact orders can be made where a child is over 16 unless there are disabilities involved, and at 16 it is up to your Twins what contact (if any) they have with their father
Please understand that it is not that I do not understand and appreciate your problems - just that sadly the Courts cannot assist.
Of course in general terms there is no problem with the older ones keeping an eye on the younger ones if you wish to get away