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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 35073
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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cut a long story down, contact stopped as ex causing problems

Customer Question

cut a long story down, contact stopped as ex causing problems he has got a solicitor and so have i.
he has indicated recently (few weeks ago) that he may not bring dd back (19 months) and has made threats which say he will make sure i will never stop me seeing dd again...i dont know what he means by this as contact only stopped because of him.
basically, it feels even my solicitor is forcing me to send dd for contact this saturday saying there is "minimal risk" he will not bring dd back just because he has told his solicitor he will bring her back! well he isnt going to TELL them is he???
I genuinely have concerns he will not bring her back, he is sneaky underhanded and manipulative and i KNOW him.
My solicitor first told me if i had these concerns NOT to hand her over and we will apply for a prohibited steps/residence but just cos he has solicitor and gave her his "assurances" he will return her she is saying i should hand her over!!!
I do not know what to do now....i cant let go of this feeling, i would feel much better with an order in place first but my sol keeps saying it will take a while and dd needs to see her dad.
I have got to make my decsion is 20 mins as foolishly i agreed to their demands but now something is telling me to back out. Mediation doesnt start until end of march. I want dd to see her dad but i DO NOT trust him at all.
what do i do????
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
How old is the child and is there actually a court order in place at the moment?
Is the father named on the birth certificate?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi, the child is nearly 2. there is no order in place currently. the ex is named on the cert.


Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
How long is he meant to have contact for?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

he wants him tomorrow 10-6pm. Alex has never spent a full day with him

Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
Why did contact actually stop - and does he have anywhere to take the child?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

contact stopped as ex was being verbally abusive/threatening in front of my son, and bullying me into changing our local agreement. He has now moved house so does have somewhere to take him. However, i have raised serious concerns about his parenting capabilities as he has a history of leaving medicines in reach, leaving hazardous things around and our son has had a few incidents as a result, but none of which required hospital attention thankfully.

He has never shown any interest in our son really and chose to work long hours. He has never had any input with my sons routines and my son does not know him in that capacity despite living in the same house. He saw him for about 15 mins an evening prior to our seperation due to his job and have wholly been the primary carer for our son.

He has made threats to not return the child, which i have expressed to my solicitor. She initially said I need to apply for residence/prohibited steps, but then changed her mind once my ex had a solicitor as there was "minimal risk". To me, there is more than minimal risk of him not being returned.

Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
If your ex did not return the child tomorrow then first thing Monday morning you would be able to apply for an emergency Residence Order - and all future contact is likely to take place at a local contact centre, and your ex will have been told this by his solicitor.
Accordingly by not returning the child tomorrow your ex will ruin all his future contact
This of course does not mean that he will not be stupid enough to do it - just that the risks and much reduced.