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Ask Clare Your Own Question
Clare, Solicitor
Category: Law
Satisfied Customers: 35073
Experience:  I have been a solicitor in High Street Practice since 1985 with a wide general experience.
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My ex wants an access to our 4 year old daughter even though

Customer Question

My ex wants an access to our 4 year old daughter even though he didn't pay her maintenance fees and coused problems all the time, we split up when she was only few months old, he left us with nothing, he didn't pay her regularly, emotionally abused me all this time, cancelled the shorthold agreement (even after he left he didn't pay anything for the house) and he's done it knowing that i do not have money or a house for me and a child, he basicaly willingly made us homeless, even his bank account was ceased by a court ( through CMA) to retrieve the money that he owed, despite everything I used to give him chances to prove that he can be responsible dad he failed every time, leaving my daughter (on their meetings) with his wife ( who has a bad reputation and I am against he being around my child as she's bad influence and it should be dad's time with the daughter) and she was interfering all the time, the last straw was when his wife threatened me to post naked photos (my daughters's or mine?) if i will not give her to them online and facebook ( pathetic threat) and we ended up in the police. They had verbal and written warnings by Metopolitan Police and an advice to stay away from me and my daughter and that the only direct contact would be only through a solicitor. Then I immediately stopped all the contacts with my child as it is not safe for her to be with him or his family. I wrote an official letter explaining the reasons why and send it to him Instead of an apology or explanation about these actions I 've got a letter from his solicitor about an access to his child, I wrote a reply explaining all the reasons why i feel that he failed a number of given chances to be a dad and why I feel that she is not safe in his hands. After 1.5 months I just received another letter from his solicitor with a pathetic allegations and accusations ( such as they had to buy new clothes for my daughter because everytime he used to pick her us she was dressed roughly and wit the torn clothes. also that she was always ill or bruised??,also that he paid the rent on a house after he left ( which is not true and i have ALL the proofs needed)and that he always paid CMA ( which can be proved as well) and many other allegations that is pathetic and i have all the proofs.  also that  that shows me even more that he doesn't have any respect for anyone and it is a personal revenge rather an honest plea to see his daughter and be a dad. What shall I do? My answer is still a firm NO to access as I do not my daughter to be anywhere near him or his wife Do I need to hire a solicitor at this stage which I cannot afford ?Can I move out without giving them my new address ( we are planning to move out soon) or do i need to inform them that they would contact me via emails? Or can I completely ignore that and move on with my life?where do i stand?

Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Law
Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for your question.
When did your child last see her father
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

After our final seperation back in 2009 he saw her for a few times, a lot of nasty hings happened , that's why the meeting wasn't arranged or neither he requested it, after everything he's done I still let him see her and gave him another chance hoping that he changed, so just in 2012 he saw Anessa more when our terms were more decent (He was forced to pay CM payments after his account was ceased by he Court so he realised that he have to do that He saw her ( I would say every other weekend)sometimes less, depending on our family activities, but his wife interfered a lot and I wasn't happy about that, then I found out from people that I know that they saw Anessa ( my daughter) with a woman in the park without dad ( and he promised that he's the one spending time with her) and other suspicions came to me regarding this. Also last October he had her for 7 days ( when i went on my holidays, he refused to pay for the nursery for that week ( i offered him to take her to the nursery for that week)saying that he will take time off and spend with her) that didn't happen as he didn't keep his promises, and my phonecalls weren't answered ( specialy when i was calling in the mornings and day times), and the only time he used to text me randomly that she's fine and I am worrying too much and he will let me know when I can call her(!)it was evenings only so my holidays was stressful and I kept thinking about her wellbeing as it showed me that he's working and Anessa is beeing left with his wife AGAIN ( without my consent) so after I got back and raised a questions and after few other situations with his wife ( abusive messages, phonecalls, refusal to buy her medicine (when she fell ill at the nursery and I rushed home from work and realised i ran out and asked him to get it form her)and also a visit from his wife( she dropped Anessa off after a 'day with the dad', without my knowledge or consent again) I had enough and said that I am tired of his lack of responsabilities and the reason I let my child to see him is a quality time with the dad and that's not happening again and he is lying to me all the time, I said that I had enough and we cannot carry on like this and that his wife needs to stop interfering and it is HIS RESPONSABILITY to take care of her,trha he needs to stop lying about his income ( because he's avoiding to pay her appropriate Child Maintenance) until that will happen I am not willing to let her see you again , and after that his wife send me a series abusive messages and the last drop was when she threttenned to post these naked photos online, then we went to the Police station and reported everything ( as i mentioned in my previous letter) I stopped immediately all the contacts , wrote a letter explaining it and put the reasons why. Police told them both to keep away from me and my family and talk to me only through the solicitors. So the last time Anessa saw him it was October 2012. I do not feel that my child is safe and it is in her best interest to see him or his wife anymore and we just want to live our lives peacefully

Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
I am sorry but I do not have good news for you.
The law says that a child is entitled to regular contact with both parents and the courts will enforce this if necessary.
The fact is that you felt that your daughter was safe with your ex and his wife otherwise you would not have left her with them whilst you were on holiday.
None of the incidents that you outline will be sufficient to prusuade a court that there shoudl be NO contact - and if you do not offer some form of contact then there is a real risk that you will end up with a contact order that you will not like
However the fact that he has not seen her since October means that you can suggest that it re-starts at a local contact centre with just her father - not his partner. However you will not be able to insist that the partner has no involvement with contact in the future unless you have evidence that she poses an actual risk to the child
Unfortunately the fact that he is not paying maintenance will not be taken into account by the court.
I know that this is not what you wish to hear - but sadly it is the reality of your situation
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I didn't get an answer if I can move out ( UK) and not tell him my address?

Expert:  Clare replied 5 years ago.
You cannot out out of England and Wales without his agreement or an Order from the court.
You can move within England and Wales - but of course he can still trace you and apply for contact